Tuesday, November 3, 2009
you can feel the love
from the mind of
Andrea
7
words of encouragement
Labels: faith, Joelle, malia, sisters, special moments
Sunday, November 1, 2009
and we'll have fun! fun! fun! till my daddy takes the t-bird candy away
And for the actual trick-or-treating, she went as Merriweather -- the blue fairy from Sleeping Beauty. I know, it's not a beautiful flowy dress or anything, but she was just as happy with this!
from the mind of
Andrea
1 words of encouragement
Saturday, October 31, 2009
maybe i shouldn't have asked...
If you had a unique baby name picked out for your soon-to-be-born child, but just weren't quite sure if it was a good name -- would you ask people for their opinions? Or would you just decide on your own and go with it? If you asked for people's opinions and you got only negative feedback, then what? What if you still sorta liked it; would you still name your baby that, knowing that people gave it the thumbs down? Or would you ditch it and look for a different option?
See, if you just decided to go with it without asking people their opinions, you might never know what they really thought about it. Sure, they'd likely talk about it to other people ("I can't believe they named their baby that") -- but I think hearing a name after a baby is born can make a difference on someone's reaction to a particular name. Somehow having a little person actually going together with that name can make it more appealing, even if just hearing the name on its own would've otherwised caused you to make a face.
No, we are not tossing around baby name ideas or anything. I'm just using that scenario as a comparison for the real topic of today's post.
Last week I went shopping with a dear friend of mine, and I celebrated my 30+ pound weight loss with buying a few new tops. One of them was a bit of a different style, and as much as I loved the shirt, I was unsure if it was really flattering -- or if it in fact was the complete opposite. So after giving it some thought, I decided to post a picture of it on good ol' Facebook and ask for people's opinions.
Of course I was expecting some mixed opinions -- but as it turns out, only a few short minutes later I removed the picture as I had enough negative responses (and only negative responses) to make me almost embarrassed that I had even considered the possibility of it being a good shirt for me. Don't get me wrong -- I was glad for people's comments, as I really did want to know how it looked on me before I decided to rip the tags off -- but I was hoping for even one positive remark just to make me feel better.
With all of that feedback, you would think I would promptly pack the shirt up and return it. But even though there is obviously something about it that caused me to have doubts about it in the first place -- there is also something about it that really makes me want to keep it. But now how do I actually keep it knowing the things that were said about it?
If I would never have asked, I could've made the decision to keep it and then worn it with confidence. Nobody would've told me that it wasn't a good shirt for me. Sure, they might talk about it behing my back ("I can't believe she bought that shirt...it's really not flattering on her"), but maybe seeing me in it in real life, without just a picture to go on, would make them turn out liking it more. But then again, maybe not.
Sigh....maybe I just shouldn't have asked...
(But since I know you'd all be asking to see a picture of it anyway, I'll suck it up and post some. Here are 2 from slightly different angles.)
from the mind of
Andrea
10
words of encouragement
Labels: Clothes, fashion, Something New
Thursday, October 29, 2009
they're always watching you
from the mind of
Andrea
7
words of encouragement
Labels: life as a mom, malia
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
love letters in the sky
from the mind of
Andrea
10
words of encouragement
Labels: faith, Inspirational, Nature, scenery
Friday, October 16, 2009
works for me!
I know a lot of you don't follow my other blog (okay -- my other 2 blogs), and I don't blame you! They are more for me documenting things for myself that I don't need to clog up my regular blog with.
from the mind of
Andrea
9
words of encouragement
Labels: Milestone, mission: possible, My Weight
Thursday, October 15, 2009
letters from home
from the mind of
Andrea
4
words of encouragement
Friday, October 9, 2009
a little bribery goes a long way
(click on the picture to enlarge it)
The cake has been eaten and the movie is about to begin.
from the mind of
Andrea
8
words of encouragement
Labels: Just For Fun, my hubby
extra! extra! read all about it...!!
Wanna know how I've been doing emotionally these days? Click here to find out.
from the mind of
Andrea
0
words of encouragement
Saturday, October 3, 2009
my precious princess
Happy Birthday to my sweet little girl. Terrible's Two's might have been bad...and Thundering Threes might have been considerably worse...but nothing has prepared me for the Phenomenally Horrible Four's!! But I love her through it all and I am still proud of the little girl she is becoming. I just hope she grows out of this attitude sooner rather than later...so we have a bit of time before the Teenage attitude starts rearing its ugly head!
I love you, Malia! Your strong will may prove to be very difficult for us to deal with, but I pray that as you grow up, you will use your strong will to make good decisions for your life.
from the mind of
Andrea
8
words of encouragement
Labels: Birthdays, cakes, Food, malia, Special Occasions
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
coming soon to a theatre near you...
Hollywood's newest stunt double!
If anyone can afford her, that is. :)
(**the messy background is all part of the movie set**)
from the mind of
Andrea
3
words of encouragement
Labels: Just For Fun, malia, Video
Saturday, September 26, 2009
she's no doogie howser
from the mind of
Andrea
7
words of encouragement
Labels: Just For Fun, Kid-Isms, malia, Ouch
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
knock on wood
from the mind of
Andrea
4
words of encouragement
Labels: Fall, Just For Fun, Miscellaneous, Winter
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
what do i know of holy?
(I am accompanying my sister-in-law in this song on Sunday morning in church. Have a listen to it -- lyrics are posted below. It is my new favorite and it sounds like it was written exactly for me.)
VERSE 1:
I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all, No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?
CHORUS:
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?
VERSE 2:
I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were might to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees
CHORUS:
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?
CHORUS 2:
What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life it's name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?
CHORUS:
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?
from the mind of
Andrea
5
words of encouragement
Labels: faith, Song Lyrics, Video
learning to deal
Okay, so I would say that I am officially weaned off of all anti-depressant medication as I haven't taken a pill in a week. One whole week.
And I'm still alive!
Honestly, the whole withdrawal process this second time around was quite manageable -- at least compared to the Paxil withdrawal that I experienced at the beginning of summer. The worst of it was just feeling exhausted and achey, like I was coming down with the flu. Not that those are fun symptoms to be experiencing -- but I'll take that any day over brain zaps and such from last time. It's all about perspective. And it (the withdrawal) all appears to be over -- for the most part.
So now what?
Well, now that I seem to be in the clear with withdrawal symptoms, I am left to deal with my emotional state as it was a year and a half ago before any anti-depressant medication had ever set up camp in my body. Not exactly as it was a year and a half ago...I know I was much worse off by Spring of '08 than I am now, in the Fall of '09. But I still find myself wondering how I am going to cope with life without the aid of medication.
I know this is not the best time of year to be the judge of that though. With Joelle just starting Grade 1 a few short days ago, it has already been a huge challenge getting used to all of the adjustments: eary mornings again, Joelle gone all day, Malia left at home needing to be entertained, making lunches/snacks every day, dealing with the exhausted Grade 1'er for the last 4 hours of the day...and all of it basically on my own as hubby is gone by 6am and doesn't get home until after the girls are in bed.
That's a lot for someone to handle at the best of times. Not to mention when they are just freshly weaned off of their meds and are trying to do things on their own.
There have been several times just over the past week where I have had to talk myself out of freaking out. Where I have had to remind myself to just breathe; take things one step at a time. Not one day at a time; one step at a time. Not to look ahead to the cool days of fall that are fast approaching (although it's hard to tell with the weather we've had all week...it's finally showing signs of summer, just in time for fall to show up). And especially not to look ahead to the dark, dreary days of winter that will be here much too soon for my liking.
Not to look ahead to the weeks and months ahead of 90% single-parenting, or sure bouts of sickness that will attack my family of 4 over the winter, of financial burdens up ahead -- you can never entirely escape those, of hearing about friends going through rough times and not being able to help, of weight ups & downs, of friendship issues...and the list could go on and on and on.
I realize that the things I am listing are everyday things that everybody has to deal with -- and I should just be able to take everything in stride like 'normal' people -- but it just doesn't work that way. Not with me. If I focus on the above list for too long...well, it's not pleasant. I get way too panicky and I just know that I can't handle it all. Life is just downright scary, there's no way around that.
And I know there are probably a lot of you who have things a lot worse than I do with life situations and may even be thinking: What does she have to worry about? She's got it so easy compared to me...and I don't need medication to get through it so why should she?
Believe me, I tell myself that all the time. I tell myself that I am being rediculous and that if I just trusted in God more, things would be okay. And you know, there is definitely truth to that to some extent. I do need to work on my faith and my level of trust in our Creator. But at the same time, that doesn't mean that if I do that, all of these issues will go away. See, I have learned that depression is a sickness. It's not just a bad attitude, or wallowing in self-pity. Not at all.
It may not be a fatal sickness (although I suppose for some it is, if it leads to them taking their own life), but a sickness nonetheless. And while faith in God can definitely help you through any sickness, it doesn't necessarily guarantee that you will be cured. And that is what I need to remind myself of. If I struggle with depression all of my life -- will it mean that I didn't have enough faith in God? Will it mean that I didn't trust Him for healing? No, not at all. A cancer patient can have all the faith in the world, and can still lose the battle. Someone with diabetes can be God's #1 fan and still have to take insulin shots on a daily basis.
And someone with depression can believe in their Saviour with their entire heart and soul and still need to rely on anti-depressant medication to get through each and every day.
I suppose this post is wandering a little bit. But basically what it comes down to is acknowledging the fact that I still have a problem. I still have a struggle with depression that isn't going to go away overnight. I may have weaned myself off my meds -- and I hope I can stay that way -- but that doesn't mean that I am magically cured. No, I would still consider myself in a state of depression...but I have hope.
I have hope that God will get me through one day at a time. I have hope that this 'disease' is going to strengthen my faith; that it will force me to spend more time relying on God and bringing me to a closer relationship with God. While my faith has never wavered, goodness knows I could sure spend more time with my Heavenly Father.
So now what? I ask myself.
Now I pour out my heart & soul to the Lord. I put my life in His hands with 100% faith that He will guide me. Whether that means He will guide me through a medication-free life, or He will guide me back towards meds...it's all in His hands. And I seek to do His will for my life, whatever that means.
I do know that things happen for a reason, and that God can take any situation and make good out of it. I am living proof of that. I can't even begin to tell you how many people -- some I know, and some who are complete strangers to me -- have emailed me or spoke to me directly to tell me of their struggle with depression. And how brave I am to be so forthcoming with all of it and how my story has helped them even a little bit. It has opened the door to so much communication and prayer.
And where there is prayer -- there is power.
from the mind of
Andrea
4
words of encouragement





