Saturday, May 19, 2007

and the defense rests...

Last night Les pointed something out about myself lately that I was not ready to hear. Why is it so hard to hear something negative about ourselves? Why can't we just accept it gracefully and try to better ourselves?

My reaction to Les' comment was far from graceful. I knew it came from somebody who loved me and wasn't purposefully trying to tear me down. But of course I fought it; trying to prove that I was completely in the right and what he was saying was completely unfounded and untrue. Why do we feel the constant need to defend our actions? Or maybe I shouldn't say "we" -- I should say "I", since I can't speak for anybody else. I just know that it is very true of me. I right away try to defend myself and even try and turn things around on the other person..."Well, you do this and that -- so you're not any better than I am." Is that really supposed to make me feel better? That's probably my intent, but it's never successful.

As difficult as it may be, I need to take the criticisms that I receive and try and learn from them and improve on myself. Afterall, I'm far from perfect and I will be the first one to admit that. But yet when people point out things I need improving on I refuse to see it through their eyes. If it comes from any old Tom, Dyck or Harry it would be different. But coming from somebody who loves me -- like Les -- I should be more open to admitting where I need to change. That is definitley a goal to strive towards.


ValleyGirl said...

You can accurately stick with the 'We.' It's human nature to defend ourselves. It's called COGNITIVE DISSONANCE. We need to balance our attitudes with our actions or achieve balance between 2 different attitudes. (How can you tell I'm studying psychology right now?! The annoying thing is that even though it's boring me to death, I actually appear to be retaining some things!!)

Erin said...

Unfortunately I get the most defensive when Jer criticizes me. This was a really good reminder for me that he's not trying to attack me, just help : ) Good for you being so grown-up about it (I get really childish.)