Monday, September 24, 2007

glutton for punishment

I have been sick all week; ever since last Monday night. Anything from light-headed and dizzy to nauseousness. From a migraine to stomach anxiety. And all topped off with a loss of appetite and extreme exhaustion. I didn't stay up past 9:00 all week long. It was not a fun week.

I was finally feeling better on Friday night, which was perfect timing since I had a combined birthday party for my girls on Saturday evening that I had to get ready for. And since I had been "down and out" all week, my house was a disaster!!

I was so excited to finally feel "normal" again, when what did I do? I got myself sick. How? By over-eating. Twice. In the same day. (I'm still shaking my head at myself in disappointment)

Saturday morning while I was baking the birthday cupcakes (Aren't they pretty? If you look closely you can see the ones on top say "Joelle" and the ones on the bottom say "Malia."), I wanted to taste the batter. I waited till the end and thought, Ahhh...there's not enough left to bother starting a new pan -- I'll just eat what's left. Big mistake. Huge. And I knew as I was eating the batter (sorry for those of you who get grossed out by even the thought of eating raw batter) that I should probably stop but I just kept on going. It tasted so good and I was just so glad that I finally even wanted to eat.

Well, it was only a few minutes later that I started getting sick. I just felt gross. I hardly ate more than 3 bites of the ham, cheese & egg lunch that Les whipped up for us and I felt as horrible as I had felt all last week. All at my own hand. Had I not had enough throughout the week? Apparantly not! I finally started feeling better mid-afternoon, but for a couple of hours I paid the price for my gluttony.

You'd think that would've been the end of it; at least for that day. But...nope! I went and did it again. I didn't eat much during most of the birthday party and was quite proud of myself for my self-control. But closer to the end of the party I started planting myself by the table and munched away on chips, chips and more chips. And after all the guests left, I helped myself to a few more platefuls while winding down on the couch.

Once I headed off to bed and lay down getting ready for a solid night's sleep after a busy day, it hit me. Again. What a gross feeling. You'd think I would've learned my lesson from the morning's incident.

I prayed a lot that night while I was trying to fall asleep. I needed to confess my sin to God -- for gluttony is indeed a sin. I begged God for forgiveness as I tosssed and turned, restlessly.

Why do I over-eat to begin with? Is it because I think we're going to run out of food, so I'd better stuff as much in me as possible? That's just rediculous. Of course we're not going to run out of food. Is it because chips is such a novelty and it's going to be weeks and months before I get to enjoy them again? Hardly. Then, why?

Now I have to clarify -- I don't do this on a regular basis. I actually have been getting really good lately at portion control. I don't classify myself as "a pig" who can't stop stuffing her face. In fact, not only have I improved with my portion control at meals but I have cut down on snacking in the afternoons and evenings in a major way. But then an event comes up -- like a party, or a holiday (Thanksgiving and Christmas are both coming up within the next few months...) and I seem to just let go and do whatever I want at that moment. Regardless of the consequences.

It is my desire that I change that. Yes, I can certainly enjoy the food at a party. I can gladly help myself to a handful or two of chips and even a cupcake (I haven't yet had one by the way -- I guess the over-eating of the batter has something to do with that). I can allow myself to indulge in holiday goodies -- but IN MODERATION. It sounds so simple, doesn't it?

This isn't even about weight control. That has nothing to do with this. It's about keeping my sin of gluttony in check. The Bible portrays gluttons in a very negative light. Consider these verses:

"He who keeps the law is a discerning son, but a companion of gluttons
disgraces his father."
Proverbs 28:7

"Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, for
drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rage."
Proverbs 23:20 & 21

Being a glutton is not a category I want to be in. Even if it only happens once in awhile. I need to remember that God gave me my body and I am supposed to take care of it. And by not taking care of it, I am purposefully sinning against my Lord and Creator.


ValleyGirl said...

Holidays, special occasions, and potlucks are the most difficult, that's for sure! Eliminating bad habits is always hard work, but the first step is committing yourself and the process to God. The Bible says to "do everything to the glory of God. The next time you're tempted to overeat or even just the next time there's an opportunity to eat food that you love, remember first that you're eating for the glory of God today.

Gloria said...

I think what you were feeling all week was sympathetic mission trip stomache.

Lots of us felt just like you all week and 9:00 was group bedtime, with most of us honestly struggling to stay up even that late.

Gloria said...

p.s. you can take the credit off of your blog header, its' really not necessary.

Ruth said...

ahhh! i understand your struggle! (those cupcakes look amazing)

we've been sick over here too...slowly on recovery mode though.