God has been revealing Himself to me this week. It has been a welcome balm to my weary soul. The last couple of weeks had not been going well for me, emotionally, and I was just not sure how to handle my life anymore. I really felt like I was at the breaking point, and it was rare for me to go a day without tears. Life was just too overwhelming.
Anybody remember that 'Friends' episode where Chandler and Monica get married? The night before the wedding, Chandler takes off without Monica knowing and it's up to the rest of the 'friends' to track him down before she finds out. Ross and Phoebe eventually find him the following day, hiding out in his office at work. He tries to explain why he was backing out of the wedding. See, he loved Monica and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her -- but the commitment was just so overwhelming to him.
Ross manages to ease Chandler home by encouraging him to just take things one step at a time. First they were just going to take him home so he could have a shower. The next step was to put on his tux, and so on and so forth until he was married to the love of his life. Doing it one step at a time didn't seem so overwhelming to Chandler.
That's what I have been trying to do this week. Take things one step at a time. And trying to enjoy each step along the way. Just like Chandler knew he loved Monica and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, I know I love my husband and kids and I want to be their wife and mother. Even if the commitment is overwhelming. I'm not saying that it will never all build up and threaten to over-take my life again. I'm not saying that I have completely broken free from the issues of depression that have been plauging me.
But I am saying that God has been showing me how to get through this time in my life. He has been showing me the light at the end of the tunnel. He has started the healing process and He has been allowing me to enjoy the blessings he has placed in my life.
Most specifically, my precious little girls. Up until a few short days ago, I was seriously trying to figure out if Les and I could switch places. If I could be the one to work full-time and he stay at home with the kids for the majority of the time. I just didn't think that I had it in me to be a stay-at-home-mom. I was tired. I was craving going to work and leaving behind my responsibilites at home.
But something changed this week. I had a re-awakening. I started to actually e-n-j-o-y being at home with my girls. I was goofy with them, making up silly songs, reading books. Instead of getting frustrated when Malia made a mess in the bathroom while washing her hands, I was proud of her trying to do it by herself. Rather than get annoyed when Joelle came upstairs from her quiet time sooner than what I would like, I enjoyed some special cuddle-time on the couch.
And today, rather than fully enjoying my time at work away from my kids -- I was looking forward to returning to my home where my 3 most favorite people were waiting for me.
Huh. Maybe I am cut out for this afterall. If I take it one step at a time.