Sunday, November 4, 2007

stained glass masquerade

I'd like to extend a G-I-G-A-N-T-I-C thank-you to everybody who has given me support and encouragement since my 'suffering in silence' post last weekend. I have received many comments, personal emails, phone calls, hugs and prayers since then -- and all of them have been greatly appreciated and have done wonders for my soul.

One thing I have discovered since opening up about this is that I am definitely not alone. I mean, I knew that I wasn't -- there are people everywhere who suffer from depression -- but to actually hear it from people that I know personally who have gone through this really confirmed that.

And it has given me h-o-p-e.

I'd like to share the words to a Casting Crowns song (yes -- I do listen to other artists, but this group in particular has played a big role in helping me through last fall's issues and is already easing my burden this time around too) which has great significance to how I have been feeling.

Stained Glass Masquerade

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today
Feelin' so small

'Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness and smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain on our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded in the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching can we really fall apart

But would it set me free if I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person that you imagined me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus be enough to make you stay

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness and smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain on our stained glass masquerade

I love this song.

I love the honesty of it and I love how well I can relate to it; it's as if this song was written specifically for me. There is self-doubt in this song. There is the sense of being alone -- as if nobody can relate. There is the question of how I will be received if I dare to step out and tell it like it is.

Was it a risk? Yes. Is it hard to face everybody knowing that they now know the truth? Sure. Will some people judge me? Maybe. But was it worth it? Absolutely! Without opening up, I believe the road to recovery would be that much harder.

There may always be some people who will walk away and not open their arms to someone in pain. Maybe it's because they don't know how to help. Or maybe it's because they doubt the reasons/intentions for that person 'coming forward.' Maybe they have their own masks that they are wearing. And for those people I pray for healing. But for the majority -- thank-you for your support and prayers.

I am abandoning the stage. I am ending the performance. I am leaving behind the stained glass masquerade.


The Heppner's said...

Thanks for the post. The words of the song are encouraging as well as knowing that you are feeling support. I'll keep praying for you!

Sharon said...

I love this song too. I had been thorugh blue times in the past but nothing matched the black weeks that I just came out of. It is kind of like standing on the edge of a black hole and knowing that you are being sucked in and I felt as if no one saw what was happening. I understand for sure. It was great when on the first I woke up and felt that the cloud had passed.
Never hide who you are or where you are. I guess I missed you post or it slipped my mind in the fuzz i was in.
I am here.

Pam said...

I'm so proud of you! It is never easy to open up and share what is really inside. You have done it with grace and dignity! I am so proud of you!

That song is wonderful - thanks for sharing!

WorksForMom said...

Kudos to your honest Andrea. The truth always does set one free.

Ruth said...

ahhhh....your post kinda reminds me of one i have recently written.

love to you. xo shalom to your heart and home. and healing to every inch of your being.

Tara said...

Thank you for sharing, its not always difficult to open up and tell everyone how you are feeling, but I do believe that it takes the weight off our shoulders. And you will soon find that you are not alone, that there are other people that are feeling just like you, who can support and encourage you!

andrea said...

Great song...i just love Casting Crowns. their songs are so honest and seem to have the lyrics we cannot express on our own. i pray that you will feel healing soon and please know that i am behind you but it's God who is holding your hand.

Melanie said...

Wow- what amazing words. I've never heard this song, but it is something my hubby and I have talked about at church. Sometimes it all seems like such a big show and I wonder what people are really like inside.

Pamela said...

((HUGS)) Thanks for sharing, I know it could not have been easy.