Tuesday, March 10, 2009

me. genuinely me.

"I need time to find myself" is a sentence that I have never really liked. In fact, I've always found myself getting slightly annoyed when hearing somebody say those words.

Perhaps I found it irritating because I didn't really understand what it meant. Or maybe because I thought it was a cop-out when things just weren't going right in life for somebody. Or an excuse when someone did something completely out of character and this is how they explained themselves out of it.

Whatever the case -- I just have never bought it.

Until now.

So, what has happened to make me change my tune?

Well, I think it is now my turn to find myself. I know...it's hypocritical. I have no defense.

All I know is that I need to re-discover who Andrea is. Over the past while, I feel like I have lost myself, and it's time to send out the search party.

No need for you all to get concerned or anything -- it's not a depression thing. Just a journey of re-discovery; figuring out what makes me tick. And who I really am inside -- not just the "me" I want other people to see.

Sure, I want to put my best foot forward -- but I also want to be genuine.

And that's really what this is about.


ValleyGirl said...

Sounds like you and I are in the same boat... Hey, wanna backpack through Europe and Asia with me? I hear a lot of people "find" themselves that way!

For me, I think it's the struggle that I really don't want to be defined by my job/responsibility as a wife and mother ~ it feels like I've lost my personality in assuming those roles.

I know it's a matter of finding and embracing a NEW identity, not the old one (as infinitely more fun as I remember her being!!). But discovering HOW to let go of the old, seek the new, and find joy in the transition....

THAT's the tough part.

Jenn said...

I hope you enjoy your journey of discovery.
I think a lot of women could relate to you - I know it's not likely all due to being a sahm but I think that plays a huge role in it.

Rebecca said...

I think motherhood definitely sweeps in and kind of "takes over" but it happens so gradually that we don't notice until one day we're saying "where did I go and who was/am I anyway??" Though backpacking through Europe would be fun but I'm sure you'll "find" yourself in the midst of life. ;)

andrea said...

wow! i felt this way and wrote about it a few posts ago. as our lifestyles changes, kids grow, different demands are placed on us...and in the process we feel so lost in our own world! I hope that you can take this time to reflect on your life and how you desire, with God's help, to get where you need to go!
praying as you are in this time of reflection. She's there! she's loving! and she's has a generous heart. and yes, I am talking about you!

Sheila said...

I agree that motherhood can take a toll on us. We can forget who we are as a woman and not just as a mother!
I wish you luck on your journey to re-discovery!

Kathy and Carl said...

I'm glad that you are on the journey. Goodness, there's too much good Andrea, gifted Andrea, beautiful Andrea to be left uncovered!

Pam said...

I hope that as you find out who you are, you truly love that person! Because I think you are fabulous!

I'm sure that as your life has changed - wife, mom, etc and now you are primaly with the girls due to Les' job- it is natural to change and grow and figure out who you are at all these stages.

Good luck!

Leeann said...

Wow...I swear that our moods fluctuate at the same times. That was kind of the mood I was in during my last post you commented on.
I think you are wonderful and special.

Louise said...

I hear ya girl, I have gone through the same thing lately!
Hope you make wonderful discoveries about yourself :)

Joanna said...

Leave a trail of breadcrumbs so you can find your way back.

I've been trying to figure out what makes me tick and I thought I was close. Turns out it was a clock. Still not there yet. Happy hunting! :)