Thursday, April 30, 2009

to whom it may concern

Dear Local Cable Provider,

I'd like to take this opportunity to say thank-you for your supreme customer service. I can't decide what was the best part of my 45 minute phone call to your company tonight.

Perhaps it was the fact that I got falsely led every 30 seconds that someone was actually going to pick up the phone and talk to me. The 'on hold' music would stop, but instead of it being a live person, it was a recording saying "I'm sorry...all of our customer service representatives are currently busy assisting other customers. Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line and your call will be answered by the next available customer service representative."

Cue music.

About 30 seconds later, another lapse in the music and I'm ready to state my name and account number. But instead I hear an advertisement about Video On Demand and how it's a much cheaper option for a family movie night instead of paying $40 for a family of 4 -- not including popcorn!!

And then your own advertisement gets cut off by the sound of a ringing phone -- but instead of a customer service representative picking up, I am greeted with yet another reminder that my call is important to you and that you appreciate my patience.

Who said I was being patient?

Repeat this process at least a dozen times and you have a customer who is about as annoyed as Canadians who get snowstorms well into spring.

Maybe my favorite part was that someone picks up and talks to me only when a decent song was finally being played. I'm glad to have been bored to tears with awful elevator-type music, only to be interrupted by a real voice once I was groovin' to "She's Got The Look."

Or perhaps it was the part where when I finally did get through to someone, you said you had to transfer me to a different department. I did love the part where you assured me that nobody else was waiting in line, but even better than that, I really loved it when you disconnected my phone call on the transfer attempt.

Oh yeah...that was a little slice of heaven.

But maybe the highlight of the evening was that I was blessed to be able to call you back after the aforementioned disconnection and go through the entire procedure yet one more time. Once just wasn't enough, so thank you for giving me double the pleasure all in one night. It's almost too much to ask for.

The long wait on hold, the crappy music, the constant "Ha! I fooled ya' thought someone was actually picking up to talk to you" trick (yeah, that's a good one -- it never gets old), the "Let me transfer you to a different department." Good times, good times.

But perhaps the icing on the cake -- the cat's meow -- is the fact that when all was said and done...when I got transfered three times and nobody could answer my questions, you put me through to a specific person's extention so that I could leave a message for good ol' Deborah to phone me back...tomorrow.

I am so happy that I now have something to look forward to tomorrow. Besides, who would want this disasterous delightful process to end so quickly?

But even more than that, I am so happy that you helped me figure out a way to spend the first 45 minutes of my quiet evening to myself, as without you I would've had no idea what to do with my rare free time.

Yours Truly,
I-better-be-getting-a-free-month-of-cable-for-my-troubles Andrea


ValleyGirl said...

Wow. No kidding, a free month of cable.

Kathy and Carl said...

For pity's sake, what is people's problem?!'s so hard to be patient and loving with confronted with that!!

Louise said...

Ick that is no fun!!
Were you calling Shaw by chance? don't they have the 'next in line' call back feature where you put your phone number in and they will call you back when you are next in line? I have used that and then I can go on with my day and not have to wait on hold...just a thought :)
But I agree one month free for sure ;)

TammyIsBlessed said...

Yer too funny!

I feel your pain on this one!!

Kelly said...

Doesn't that just drive ya nuts! I have felt your pain!

Jamie said...

I HATE calling those places! Get ready for it to take up a good chunk of your precious time!

common mom said...

Oh man! And I thought waiting for the phone guy "between 8 a.m. and 5:00 p.m." and having him never show up was bad. At least I wasn't attached to a phone.

You 'win'! Sorry man!