No, not because of my own personal shot -- I'm a pro when it comes to needles and blood tests and the like. But my sweet little Joelle had me crying a river with her very stressful experience.
Luckily Malia went first out of the two of them -- she's always the brave one when it comes to things like this...doctor's appointment, eye appointments, dentists, etc. Joelle had been totally fine leading up to the experience, but already after watching me get the very first needle, she was showing signs of nervousness. But after Malia's shot -- where she did a quiet little whimpering cry as the needle entered her arm -- Joelle was adament that she was NOT going to do it.
She started running away from our designated table, and I had to go after her and bring her back, trying to re-assure her that it was all going to be okay. But it was to no avail. She had already made up her mind that this was going to be an awful experience and she wanted no part of it. Once she started her freak-out, there was no stopping her. Me and 2 nurses had to physically hold her down, and even that was a struggle for us.
Joelle's reactions went from frustrated anger: "EVERYBODY! LET! GO! OF! ME!" to desperate fear: "MOMMY! DON'T LET THEM DO IT! DON'T LET THEM DO IT!"
Those pleas for me to help save her from this terrifying demise is what really did me in. It was clear to me that she knew I could stop all of this from happening if I just said the word. But despite her desperate begging, I didn't stop it. And I felt awful. My precious little girl was counting on her mother to protect her from this needle that she so obviously didn't want to get and I did nothing to help her. Hence, the tears. It's a terrible feeling when the decision you have made to try and protect your child causes them such panic and fear. When they are frantically pleading with you to keep this hurt from them...and you don't.
I held my daughter really close when it was all over and she collapsed with relief in my arms. I told her how proud I was of her. I explained to her that I was doing it to protect her because I loved her.
When all was
But I will not soon forget the way it made me feel to think that I was not protecting my daughter in the way she wanted me to. I will remember her desperate attempts to get me to change my mind and not force this upon her. I will remember the way it feels thinking that I was letting my daughter down in a big way. I will carry this feeling with me for a very long time.
(ps: I know there has been a lot of controversy over the H1N1 shot -- at least around here, and the purpose of this post is not to start any kind of debate about it. I am simply sharing an experience that could've happened just as easily getting any regular vaccination; the focus is not supposed to be on the fact that it was an H1N1 shot. I respect your decision about it; please respect mine)