Wednesday, September 29, 2010

the disconnect

I haven't been around much lately.

I'm struggling with a lot of things right now. Things that I wish I could just speak up about, but something is holding me back. My dislike of confrontation is the main culprit for my silence -- especially given the treasured friendship that I very abruptly lost about a year and a half ago.

I think that experience has crippled me in all of my other relationships.

But regardless of the what the why and the who, I am left feeling disconnected. Unsettled. Insecure. Defensive. Withdrawn. Fake.

I don't know where to go from here; I don't know how to work past this feeling. I long to find a sense of peace and understanding. Of hope and joy.

This isn't my depression making a return (at least if it is, it has disguised itself in a very different mask this time), but I am unsure of what exactly it is and definitely of how to resolve it.


LaughingLady said...

I talk with God about you every day, Andrea. I'll make sure I bring this to His attention. :)


Kathy and Carl said...

I'm sorry that you are having all this swirling around your heart and head. I'll pray that you will be touched with peace and that God will give you the answers in which to move forward.

TammyIsBlessed said...

I think the solution is to be real with someone about whatever it is that's bothering you. I know it's scary to be vulnerable, especially when you're still reeling from the end of a close friendship, but it's probably the only thing that's going to help.

Obviously bringing it to God is important (and I'm sure you've already done that), but He gave us each other for a reason, and that reason is to help each other through difficult times, encourage each, to listen to each other, to give a different perspective and on and on.

If you can be open and honest with at least one person, you'll be able to find your way through this.

Roo said...

xo thinking about you..