I don't know about you, but February is my hardest month. Sometimes I think it should be earlier winter months that are worse, since even now as I type this post the sun is higher up in the sky than it has been in a long time ~ a sure sign that we're on the up-swing.
Yet that's not the way it seems to work with me.
Winter is such a deep hole to climb out of, and while we may be well in the process of the climb month-wise, I seem to fall back deeper into the hole emotionally as this particular month crawls along. In fact, I am having to consciously make efforts to socialize with people these days. My natural tendency during this time of the year is for me to turn into a temporary hermit while I wait for the seasons to change.
Perhaps those of you who have waited for a maternity leave to start will understand my attempt at an analogy. You know how when you are working full-time at your job, it just is what it is. You go in every day because you know you don't have a choice and you just make the best of it. But then you get pregnant and you anxiously anticipate the day when you walk out of your place of employment (for whatever length of time it may be) and start your maternity leave. For me, at least, when my maternity leave was dangling in front of me ~ 9 months down the road ~ going in to work seemed harder and time never passed as slowly.
It seems sort of backwards to me. That when there is a light at the end of a tunnel, things get worse. Shouldn't it be the other way around? Yet that's how it sort of seems for me. It's almost as if I am trying to run towards the end of the tunnel, yet a rubber band is wrapped around my waist holding me back. Like in a dream when you're trying to run from something (or to something) but no matter how fast your legs are moving, you're not actually getting anywhere.
So here I sit, counting down the days until February is over. Not like March 1st immediately brings spring-like weather, since we still have snow and winter conditions often well into the month. In fact, March is often another really difficult month for me. Yet at the same time, the month of March sort of serves as a marker; kind of like the finish line at the end of a race. It is an indicator that we have made it through the worst and hope really is on the horizon.
The days continue to get noticeably longer, the temperatures start consistently rising (instead of this back-and-forth teasing that we've been getting these last couple of weeks), the "sickies" that everyone suffers from in the cold & flu season start saying their good-byes, and people are just generally in better spirits.
The snow starts to melt away ~ and while it's messy and dirty, it feels so refreshing. Everything feels new and fresh. A clean start. I can breathe deeper again, I feel lighter on my feet...I feel happier.
I know no amount of wishing is going to make it happen quicker, but I'm ready to kick February to the curb and welcome March, April and May with open arms.