I think I'm in a funk.
Not a blogging funk - but a life funk. Where I feel let down in so many ways, and where I feel like a let-down in many others.
Stemming from that funk is my desire to give up on a lot of things. Not big important things - like my family and friends or anything like that. But things that aren't really a big deal. Things that maybe have been controlling me when they shouldn't. Or things that have just been consuming me that I need to let go.
And that I have the power to do so.
One way I am giving up on things is to get rid of a bunch of items on my list of 101 things to do in 1001 days. I don't know how often (if ever) any of you click on that link (you can also find it at the top of my blog; just under my Lifesong header), but my goal was to update it once a week. Don't get me wrong - I think the idea of that list is great, but I am getting tired of the items on the list that make me have to keep track of everything so carefully.
Like, did I shave my legs last week? Or was there an item of baked goodies in the freezer on a Sunday night? Or did I read one book in the past three weeks - or two? And did I remember to update it on Sunday evening before going to bed, or is it Thursday and still not updated?
Does it even matter??
Like I said - I think having a list of things to accomplish is a good thing. But I'd rather just have a list of goals that once I've reached them, I've reached them. Did I organize my bathroom cupboards? Or did I crochet my daughters new blankets? Did I get my filing up to date? Did I memorize a Royal Conservatory piano piece? Or did I drive to Grand Forks just to eat supper at Paradiso?
You know, goals that can be measured with a simple yes or no (or at minimum an 'in progress').
But rather, with all of the items on my list that have me keeping track, I am not only constantly having to remember how many times I did such-and-such...but I am also constantly reminded of how I have failed to complete my mission for that particular week (or month). It can get a bit discouraging.
So I have gone over my list and marked all of the ones that require counting and keeping track in red. They are still things I can strive to do - like bring people home-cooked meals, or have family games nights on a somewhat regular basis - but I don't need to feel forced to fit so-and-so many into a certain time span.
And it feels sort of free-ing to be able to let that go.