Yesterday was the day. My final day as an employee of The Company where I have been for the past almost-twelve years.
And wow - was it ever hard. Everything I did reminded me that it was "for the last time."
I don't have an easy time letting go of things that are so much a part of who I am. I had very deep roots in The Company and I'm sort of at a loss. Sure, I have another job that I'm starting next week, but how do I process this loss?
For me that's what it is. A loss. And I am grieving it.
The Company has been a part of who I am for so long. It was a part of me when I was single, when I was dating & engaged, when I was a newlywed, when I was pregnant for the first (and second) time, and when I was a mother - of babies, toddlers, young girls. I have been employed there for over 1/3 of my life. How do I just let that go?
Working here was a constant in my life. Sure, things changed within The Company - but going there for my employment was always a constant. Here's a small look at some number crunching of my history there: 11 years and 10 months of employment, 4 different departments, 13 different desks, 7 different supervisors, 4 years of full-time, 2 years of maternity leave, 6 years of casual/part-time, hours ranging from 8 hours a week to 40 hours a week. So yes, there were many changes throughout my time there but I could always count on one thing being the same - the place of employment itself.
I know the part that is hardest for me to work through is still the fact that this wasn't really by choice. Sure, I was given the choice to work full-time I suppose (even though they knew full well I wasn't going to take it), but the way my long-time part time position was yanked out from under me so suddenly...it just really feels like I was forced out of the company. I didn't choose this new path.
Packing up my desk yesterday was one of the hardest things. Emptying my work email in-box, packing up my desk clock and the picture of the girls I had proudly displayed, and shutting off my computer. Having people drop by my desk throughout the day to bid me farewell and send me off with their best wishes and their many "We'll miss you" 's. People that have been a part of my life longer than my husband has been. Much longer than my children have been. And longer than most of my friends.
And so I struggle to find my bearings as something so new and unknown lies straight in front of me. But I choose to continue to believe that there is One who has set this path out before me. He has walked it before and knows the way.
All I have to do is follow.