Friday, November 15, 2013

i'm scared


Last week Monday I made a phone call that I have been avoiding for months. I phoned to confirm my MRI appointment that I had been scheduled for via snail mail back in the summer. The appointment is this coming Sunday - November 17th - at noon, and while I've known about it for many many weeks, it suddenly seems to be happening far too quickly.

I suffer from some pretty severe claustrophia, and knowing what type of machine I'm going to have to go in is downright terrifying. I know that the procedure itself won't hurt in the least, but it's the panicky feeling I get when I am in any sort of enclosed space. Or where I just feel trapped or restricted.

The other day, for example, I was wearing a scarf and Les was being his natural teasing self and tightened the scarf around my neck...just to be a brat. I scolded him (good-naturedly, of course) and was handling it somewhat okay until I tried to loosen the scarf back to its original position. But couldn't. I immediately felt complete and utter panic as I tried to desperately untie what he had done. Les quickly came to my rescue as he realized that there was no amount of fun involved at this point anymore and I breathed a huge sigh of relief once I was "set free."

That's just one example to relay just how much of a problem this is for me.

Some of you - or many of you - probably don't understand why this MRI is such a big deal for me. And I don't expect you to understand specifically. Just like I don't understand my friend who says she'd rather give birth than have a blood test. For me, I could have a blood test every single day of my life and wouldn't even blink. So do I understand that particular fear? No. But I understand the kind of fear.

I don't expect people to coddle my fear - but I also don't appreciate it when people try to minimalize my fear, or make me feel like my fears are invalid. Statistics and logic go out the window when you are dealing with a phobia, and while it's something that I need to deal with - it's something that I need to deal with in my own way, and not by people lecturing me or waving it off as "no big deal." Those kinds of comments are anything but helpful.

So prayers and encouragement are definitely welcome - but "helpful" tips to help me "get over it" from people who don't know what I'm going through are not. The bottom line is that I"m scared. Not only of the procedure - although that's definitely at the forefront of my mind - but of the results of the scan. What the future holds in regards to my back issues. I'm scared and I need prayers and encouragement to make it through.

If you're willing to provide that for me, I would be greatly appreciative.

2 comments:

Michelle said...

I will be praying for you!! For both the actual MRI and the results you receive. Love you chickie!!

The Brandt Family said...

Praying as well!
I too suffer from claustrophobia and would NOT handle an MRI well at all either.
Praying for peace