Lifesong

anybody else SAD?

2012-02-06T15:00:00.002-06:00

After re-reading my last post about my emotional state, I started to wonder if people perhaps thought I was over-doing it. Not based on anybody's feedback or anything (any responses have been very supportive and encouraging), but I just catch myself wondering if deep down people are thinking things like, "What's the big deal? So your kids were sick - it happens." Or "So you had to start a new job, at least it's only 2 days a week." Or "I single parent all the time, you're lucky your husband is at least home on weekends for the most part." Or "It's winter. Everyone feels this way this time of year." Or "Try living MY life for a week and you'll really have something to cry about!"

I was starting to think that perhaps people thought I was some sort of a quack; that I was using depression as an excuse when things got a bit rough. That really, that's how everybody feels and I just need to buck up!

And then I read an article in my new Chatelaine magazine. It was entitled "Winter got you down?" (written by Stacy Lee Kong) and it was about a young woman who suffers from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). In the article she gave an example of how "one day last fall, Laura learned she'd have to go into work for a few hours on her day off. "I bawled for hours over something so simple," she says. "There was this voice in the back of my mind saying, 'Why are you being so ridiculous? This isn't a big deal.' But even a little thing like that can make it seem like the worst day ever." "

Man, she hit the nail right smack dab on the head. A sick child one day may seem like no big deal to someone else. Other people might have no problems switching part-time jobs - in fact, they might even thrive on the change. And some people soar through winter without so much as a yawn.

But to those who suffer from SAD - or any other form of depression/anxiety - those things others consider to be small can seem almost insurmountable.

Here's another excerpt from the article which explains the differences between SAD and winter blues:

"It's common to confuse SAD with a bout of the February blahs, but they're actually very different. Having the blahs means you're occasionally bummed about the early sunsets and bone-chilling temperatures. And you might be more into naps and carbs than you would be during the summer, but your general disposition and energy levels don't change.

SAD symptoms, on the other hand, are more serious and can persist to the point where they affect your work and relationships.

"There were days when I just couldn't get out of bed; I felt so sensitive and fragile," {Laura} says. "

I learned some interesting facts about SAD throughout this article. One is that females are eight times more likely to have it than males. It's also more likely to occur between the ages of 15-55 and to those who live in a northern country. That last one makes good sense, as us northerners have colder weather, shorter days and less sunlight.

Luckily this article also provided some ways to help get through SAD, including light therapy, natural sunlight, diet & exercise changes and of course anti-depressants if needed. Here are also a few quick-fixes for anyone who's having a bad day, regardless of their emotional diagnosis:

Eat Right - opt for food rich in Vitamin B6 (things like bananas, spinach, chicken and fish) and don't skip complex carbs such as whole grains - they have mood-boosting benefits!

Sleep Well - If only this was entirely in my own control!!

Sniff Citrus - This was an interesting one to me. Apparently there is a link between smelling lemon oil and an enhanced positive mood! Also, the scent of orange apparently reduces anxiety and improves your mood. Who knew?!

Fake it - This one basically suggests that putting a smile on your face, whether you feel like it or not, can actually lead to the real thing! It's worth a shot, right?

So - do YOU have SAD? Here are some things to look out for as indicators (especially if you fit in some of the other categories - gender, age, and location):

* Your energy levels plummet and you feel like you can't get out of bed
* You lose interest in seeing friends and family
* You find yourself crying over the slightest thing (you know, like spilled milk!) and can't figure out why
* You can't shake feeling depressed, tired and anxious most of the time
* You feel miraculously back to your old self when the days start getting longer

Uh...check! check! check!

Now, I'm not self-diagnosing myself with SAD specifically. I do know that I suffer from depression & anxiety, whatever title it may have. And while I definitely feel love and support from my family and friends when I hit a rough patch, it was just really comforting to have found this article last night and read about someone else who really gets what it's like. Who knows that while other people might think it's ridiculous to cry for hours over getting called into work - something like that really can seem like the weight of the world on your shoulders.

It's not that I want to be able to say that I have it worse than most people - but I do want people to understand that depression is different than the winter blues or just having an 'off' day. It is an actual condition - a disease, even - that is often hard to put into words.

Again, this post isn't spurred on by anybody's comments. I just know that it is often said that people don't really talk about depression and what it's like, so it's hard for others to understand. I hope this post can shed even just a little bit of light on what living with depression is like.

And that it might even inspire someone who is suffering silently with it to find the courage to admit that this is what they're struggling with and that it's okay to tell someone about it.

more to the story...much, much more

2012-02-02T20:52:00.006-06:00

As you all know by now, I've been going through a big change in my life in terms of my job. It has brought about a lot of stress and anxiety over the past couple of months.

But there's more to the story than just that. I hit a huge rough patch in my life in December and January and I feel like it's time that I get it out in the open.

It all started early December. Les was just returning to 'regular' work hours after another l-o-n-g stint of being out of town during the week. It had been over 6 months of him being away Monday-Friday, and like last time I felt the need to be strong during his absence. But once he was finally home again for nights, it was the go-ahead that I needed to be able to begin to release the emotions I battled against while he was away.

It's not that I necessarily pretended that all was well over those months - I just did what I had to do to get me and the girls through it, being the only parent at home during the week. And once I no longer had the stress of being the only parent around, I guess I felt that I could allow myself to sort of lose control, knowing that Les was now around to help pick up the pieces.

So that's what started things off. Well, I guess what really started it off was the time of year. The dark (literally & figuratively) time of year known as fall and winter. That's what really started it off.

And then it just went from bad to worse. My kids had a long string of sickness that plagued our home from beginning of December right on through to the beginning of January. Now, I tend to get overwhelmed when we have sickness in our household at the best of times - nevermind when I'm already emotionally fragile. I know I don't like people giving details of illnesses on Facebook for no other reason than just to let everybody know the gory details - but this goes along with my "getting it out in the open" so I'm going to get into things a little bit here on the blog.

Joelle started things off at the beginning of December with a nasty cough that was just not leaving her alone. While this was still going on, one Thursday night, I got up to check on her after a pretty big coughing fit. As I was about to walk into her room to make sure she was okay, I saw movement in Malia's room. I was taken aback to see Malia hunched over her bed throwing up on the floor. Without getting into it further, let's just say that was a really long night.

I was determined to not let that get to me though. I felt confident that I had done enough hand-washing to keep me from getting sick, Les has a stomach of steel, and Joelle hadn't had the stomach flu in several years, so I figured that would be the end of things.

But apparently not. On the Sunday night it was Joelle's turn to be sick (after having seemed "off" all day during church and our Sunday School Christmas program). Another long night. But after that I felt myself relax a bit, thinking one of the bonuses to only having 2 kids is that it doesn't take very long for sicknesses to go through both of them.

Unless it comes back around, which it did for Malia the following Wednesday night. Ugh, 3 sleepless nights all within a week. So now not only am I already in my regular state of winter depression, I'm also incredibly anxious about what was next - including thinking that I myself couldn't possibly escape this the 3rd time around (which somehow I miraculously did!) - AND I am also incredibly sleep-deprived.

It was right about this point where I was feeling so unbelievably low. Still reeling from the effects of my many months of single parenting, now adding in the stress factor of all of the illness floating around, the lack of sleep, and the stress of my job being pulled out from under me. I was also working "double-duty" this particular week. Going into the office for my regular 2 days a week (as I still had a few weeks left of my employment at The Company) plus cleaning on my 'off' days for a few of my new clients who wanted a clean done before Christmas.

Oh right. And then there was Christmas coming up right around the bend. The girls had their school concerts on different nights, I had to provide snack for Malia's school party one day that week, I had to finish buying & wrapping presents...so all that plus working every day that week right up until the Christmas gatherings started....it was enough to push me over the edge.

For those couple of weeks I could barely function. I did what I had to do - go to work (both 'old' and 'new' work), clean up from sick kids (with Les' help of course, but I was the one who camped out in their rooms for the nights when they were ill), doing the laundry, disinfecting the bathrooms - only to have to do it all over again a couple of days later - but that was about it. I was going to bed by 9:00 every night. I was hungry but my anxiety was so strong that I couldn't stomach a lot - especially in the morning. I could have a piece of toast with margarine on it but that was it. Nothing with any flavour; my stomach just couldn't take it.

Then there were some nights where I was so anxious that even though I was super tired, I forced myself to stay up until at least 10:00 at which point I would ask Les if he would come up to bed with me because I just didn't want to be alone. And if the girls made noises at night that needed checking on, I started waking Les up to go and check because I didn't want to deal with whatever might be waiting for me behind their doors.

I felt like a zombie. I had minimal interaction with friends and family. I didn't even participate much on Facebook - and even this blog. Like I said, I did the basics during the day and other than that I slept and cried. And cried some more.

And then I had a really, really good day on December 23rd. Christmas at my parents' house. It was wonderful and I felt truly relaxed for the first time in weeks. I had a feeling things were only going to get better from here.

Until the next day - Christmas Eve - when Joelle woke up at 6am complaining of her stomach hurting and feeling like she was going to throw up. Which she did two hours later. Seriously?! What is going on????!!!! On the morning we were going to celebrate our own family Christmas? You have GOT to be kidding me. And just like that, I sunk down low again.

See, once I've been fighting with it again - even once I think I've got it beat, one small thing can bring me w-a-y down again. Just like that. It turns out Joelle's morning 'episode' was a one-time thing and all was well after it was done, so thankfully we still got to carry on with our plans. But it wasn't as enjoyable as it was supposed to be and I was once again an anxious wreck wondering when in the world my kids were going to stop throwing up and we could be a normal household again.

Well, 'normal' wasn't in the cards for us just yet as Joelle woke up on Christmas morning (at Les' parents' place) with a sore throat, which was diagnosed 2 days later as Strep throat. And on the day we were planning to take the girls on a little family trip to the U.S. Thankfully we got Joelle anti-biotics and she still wanted to go, so we took off as planned and just hoped for the best.

And we got *almost* the best. Joelle recuperated pretty quickly on the trip and after the first day or so, we were pretty much in the clear and ended up really enjoying ourselves. I felt much more relaxed and refreshed. Still stressed about the fast-approaching end to my then-current job, but a bit more relaxed none-the-less.

We rang in the new year as a happy & healthy family in the comfort of our home. With ice skating in the backyard, games at the kitchen table and an evening of snacking and laughing. The new year was bound to get off to a good start, I was sure of that.

Turns out I don't have a very good track record for having accurate feelings on things of the future. Three days into the new year and we had yet another sleepless night with Malia making many, many trips to the bathroom (other end this time). Two days after that brought a weekend of Joelle waking up several times both nights complaining of severe stomach pains (the weekend before back-to-school).

I was seriously ready to just quit. Give up. Wave the white flag. I was finished. At this point I was an extreme emotional wreck. I don't even know how to properly explain it. But with everything all added up together - the time of year, the over and over and over again illnesses, the job stresses, etc. - it was just too much. I would wake up in the middle of the night and have massive pressure on my chest. I would have to force myself to just take another breath - a deep breath - to calm down. I was on the verge of panic attacks on a daily basis.

And I couldn't imagine the thought that after only one more night, Les was going back to work. He had been off work for 3 whole weeks over Christmas and it was seriously the biggest blessing of all-time to have him home with me throughout all of this. He wasn't going to be heading out of town again (yet), but just the thought of having to do the morning/after school/supper parenting alone again while still dealing with my depression & anxiety at such an extreme level was enough to make me want to hyperventilate.

I don't even remember the first week of back-to-school (and work); it's all a blur. But somehow I managed to make it through. This first week of back-to-school - and work - was also my LAST week of work at The Company. So as you can probably imagine now that you've heard how the previous month went for me, it was an especially difficult time. And of course, following right on the heels of my last week of work was my first week doing my new job.

And I can't forget a phone call that opened up a door that I have tried to keep firmly shut for almost 3 years. It ended up being not all bad - kind of therapeutic, actually - but it was still one more thing to add to my already over flowing plate. It's something that I still need to fully process, but for now it's sitting on the shelf until I am in a more proper state of mind to be able to deal with it. I know when that time comes, it will bring about many emotions and it will be extremely difficult...so it's not healthy for me to delve into that at this point.

It was literally one thing after another for weeks and weeks on end. And I don't even know how long it took me to be able to relax at night-time; to not be wondering who was going to be waking up with what sort of ailment. To not wake up at every whimper, frozen in fear as I waited for the possibility of running footsteps to the bathroom. To finally get a good night's sleep.

So, now that it's February, how are we doing? Well, I was given a slow transition of Les going back to work (he was off for a day here and there over his first few weeks back to work after the Christmas break before the full-time - and then some - work started again) to allow myself to get used to him being gone again. I am slowly getting adjusted to my new job - although I still miss my old place of employment something fierce and would take that job back in a heart-beat if I could. The girls and I all were fighting coughs/colds this week but are otherwise fairly healthy for the time being.

I don't break out into tears anymore - although some days I feel them right on the surface. I still have periods of anxiety (to many different strengths and degrees) but haven't felt close to a panic attack in a couple of weeks. I am starting to socialize again - in very small amounts (so as a side note: please don't take it personally if you have felt me pulling back lately...trust me, it isn't you!). In short - I feel like I might be on the mend. For now.

With depression and anxiety, the thing about it is that you never know how long it's going to last. And when it's going to strike again. Or what will bring it on. It is a battle that I am continually fighting. For the last while I thought I was losing...but now I feel just a tiny bit of hope. And that hope is carrying me through.

HOO's got talent

2012-02-01T22:30:00.003-06:00

My girls are really into Fuze Art these days (the only reason my iron ever comes out of hibernation!). Sometimes they just make patterns - or a mish-mash of colors with no rhyme or reason (usually Malia's specialty) - but last week Joelle made one that I thought was really quite incredible.

She came up with this owl using her own picture that was in her mind and brought it to life:

I was disappointed at first about what she did with the top sides and I wondered what it was supposed to be. I didn't understand why she would wreck her creation with an unbalanced pattern. Until she told me what it represented and then it very quickly became my favorite part of the project.

Ready for this? The yellow beads on the right hand side represent the moon and the blue beads interspersed with the yellow on the left hand side represents the starry night.

Yup, pure genius! I love watching her creativity and imagination.

Q&A - Part III

2012-01-27T21:00:00.000-06:00

Wow - it's been 3 months since I last did a post to answer your questions from my 950th post celebration! Shame. on. me.

In the last edition, I said next up was talking about my fears - specifically my colossal fear of flying. Here are the fear-related questions that I was asked:

Pam asked: if you could face one of your fears head on which one would it be? [ie. flying]

Well, I will be the first to admit that I have oodles of fears. Too many. I'm not entirely sure which would be the one that I would single out to face. Flying seems like the obvious one and it does fit the theme of the next couple of questions...

But just in case some of you were curious as to [some of] my other fears - here's a quick snippet: tornadoes, really loud thunderstorms, moths, grasshoppers, change, dying, the end of the world, heights, cancer or other terrible illnesses plaguing me or one of my family members, losing a child, the stomach flu, being trapped in small spaces...oh the list could go on and on.

My lovely aunt Margo asks: My question (and maybe challenge) is ~ when are you going to fly?! Since that is a shared fear (might I even call it a phobia?) I feel like it's ok to "confront" the topic. As much as I HATE to fly, it certainly does open up the world. I have flown to 3 different locations (totalling 13 ups and downs!!) in the past 10 months. If I can do it, you definitely can!

Ummm...I'm sure Les would like an answer to that question, too, of "when are you going to fly?" Of course my gut reaction is to say NEVER. I really wish that things would change where I could actually picture myself flying somewhere in the future (for Les' sake much more than my own), but if I'm being completely honest, I just don't see that happening.

I know there are lots of people who fly even though they have the same phobia, exactly like my aunt. And to them I say "Good for you - I'm impressed!"

But for myself? If I even think about it too much, I get very panicky. Sometimes when I'm outside and I'm looking high up in the sky at an airplane in flight, I try to imagine myself w-a-y up there in that plane...and I seriously have to keep myself from having a panic attack. It just doesn't seem natural; nobody should be that high up in the sky in a huge aircraft like that. I need to remind myself that I am not on that plane. My feet are, in fact, firmly planted on the ground.

I have had many ~~dreams~~ nightmares about being on airplanes. They never end well. Not that I always crash, but I always freak out and I wake up completely terrified. I think some of those dreams stem from the way my sibling would scare me growing up. They would threaten that they would knock me unconscious and drag me on an airplane and when I'd wake up, I'd be thousands and thousands of feet up in the air. GAH!!

Some people have made comments to me like, "Don't you feel bad for keeping your kids from going on trips?" And to that I say, Pa-shaw! When we were growing up, we never flew anywhere for vacations. We drove. And drove...and drove...and drove. Not everyone needs to fly to an exotic location to give their family a memorable vacation experience. My children are not going to be deprived of anything because of their Mother's fear of flying. Besides, not everyone can afford those kinds of trips anyway, fears or not! A lot of people end up doing more of their traveling when their kids are adults and out of the house anyway - you know, when their children are able to go on trips themselves...with their own families!

But I feel like I'm going off on a bit of a tangent here. ;) Bottom line: I really don't think that I will ever fly anywhere (and to be fair, Les was well aware of that when we first starting dating!!). Fear isn't logical and fear can't really be measured from one person to the next.

(Doesn't mean Les is going to stop trying to convince me though...)

Tammi asked: If your family were given or won a trip that included flying, how would you handle it? And if you HAD to fly for a vacation, where would you want to go to make it worth the ordeal of flying to get there?!

These are tough questions to answer, because it's really not very likely that we will ever be given (or win) a trip. And we would never really HAVE to fly for a vacation - it would be a choice.

But to refer back to my previous answers of saying that I really don't think I would ever fly anywhere, I would have to say that we would probably decline the trip. Call me crazy (it wouldn't be the first time) but that's just the way I feel.

Taking this in a slightly different direction, I have thought about other scenarios where I might be forced to fly. And really the only way I could see that I wouldn't have an option is if one of my girls would one day move overseas (again, not overly likely). If I had a child living across an ocean - where driving there wasn't an option - and especially if I had grandchildren living there...well, let's just hope that doesn't ever happen because again, just thinking about it completely terrifies me.

******************************************************************************

Now, some of you may be bothered by my answers - or certainly frustrated with them at least. But they are my own feelings on my own fears. I just want to request that I don't get any comments listing statistics (again - fear isn't logical, so statistics ain't gonna do any good for me), or telling me everything that I'm missing by not flying, or that I need to trust God more - that the airplane will be in His hands. This particular phobia of mine is absolutely paralyzing and at this point in my life, nothing's going to change that and I just ask that you respect that.

I promise my next issue of Q&A won't take another three months to get published. But I also promise that it will be on a much lighter note: broken down cars, restaurants, movie stars and $100,000.....

working it out: part IV

2012-01-23T15:12:00.003-06:00

Well, life is certainly changing no doubt about it. Last week was my first week not being employed at The Company in just under 12 years. And I still have very mixed feelings about it - but mostly still feelings of sadness and even emptiness.

I know that job didn't define me by any means, but it was still a part of my history for a really long time and it will take awhile for me to process letting go of that part and moving on. I'm trying but it's not easy.

Last week was also my first week officially starting my house cleaning business. I started out with my biggest client - a house that takes 5 hours to clean from top to bottom (3 floors in total).

I actually took a picture of the house through my van window before leaving on Wednesday, because I wanted to give people an idea of just how big this place is. It's for sure twice as big as my house - if not more.

When I started cleaning it for the first time by myself (my Mom helped me with it the very first time back before Christmas), it took a lot for me to control my anxiety and feelings of being overwhelmed. I started in the kitchen and I just kept thinking about how much I still had to do...the dusting, the vacuuming, washing the floors, cleaning 4 bathrooms - top floor, main floor, basement - it was enough to almost make me panic.

But then I told myself to just breathe and take things one step at a time. To not look at the whole picture at once, but look at it in pieces. Just clean the kitchen first. Then move on to the next thing.

Before I knew it, I was finished the main floor and was moving upstairs. I stopped at the stairs to observe my work and I couldn't help but smile and feel a great sense of accomplishment. I looked at all of the main floor rooms - the living room, the dining room, the kitchen, the family room, the bathroom - and they were all sparkling clean. The kitchen looked bright. The hardwood floors shone all through the house. The family room carpet was smooth and free of any debris.

I actually started to feel excited about making the upstairs look just as good! Now, this is a fairly clean house to begin with - in fact, the first time my Mom and I went to clean it, it seemed like it didn't look any different after we left than when we got there - but this time I could actually see the improvement. It was obviously in a bit different shape this time around and it felt good to be able to see the results of my work.

After the second floor was done I smiled again. I was proud of what I had done. I had worked hard and it was evident. The house looked beautiful.

I did it. I did it. I did it!

After a quick clean of the basement to finish things off, I was out of there and driving back home. I was exhausted, yet I felt a sense of pride.

I know I won't always feel like that. I have 3 different houses to go to within the next 2 days and I know that I will be tired - especially after spending a couple of hours cleaning my own house this morning - and I know that I won't always feel that same sense of accomplishment.

There will be days when I will not want to go to work. Where I will not want to have to clean yet another toilet or wash another dining room floor. Where I will not want to look inside another dirty microwave or dust every surface.

There will be days where I will wish I was back at The Company, sitting at my familiar desk and doing my low-key computer work. Where I only have one place of employment to report to - and not 5 different clients. And there will be days where I will feel overwhelmed at having to do this new job week after week after week after week.

But I was reminded at that house last week that regardless of the circumstances and how it got to be like this, one thing is for sure...

God is behind it all. He is the one who opened these new doors for me and He is helping me work it all out. One step at a time.

i'm not laughing...okay, maybe i am

2012-01-20T08:00:00.000-06:00

The other night while Les and I were saying good-night prayers with the girls, Malia prays:

"...and be with Daddy as he goes back to work and me and Joelle going back to school...and Mommy even though she doesn't do anything..."

Les and I both immediately jerked our heads up and looked at each other with surprise and smirks on our faces.

Malia had her eyes open and saw our reaction and quickly tried to shovel herself out of her hole by continuing her prayer:

"...I mean, Mommy does lots of things, I was just joking."

Nice save, Malia. Nice save.

i just couldn't help it

2012-01-19T11:00:00.002-06:00

I have been working at putting less emphasis on outward appearances lately - hence the stop of my "From the Inside Out Friday" posts. I have no problem with buying nice, trendy things and looking fashionable. But I think it can be done quietly without trying to attract too much attention to ourselves.

This is something I want to pass on to my girls as well. While purchasing clothes as they grow is a necessity - and while I'm at it, the clothes I buy might as well be fun and cute things - the focus should be more on our inner beauty than outer beauty.

BUT...after scoring a really awesome find at a thrift store this week for Joelle - I couldn't help but ooh and ahh over it a little bit in her presence.

And then I couldn't help but post a picture of it to share it with the rest of you!

This is a top that I would totally wear and I was so pumped to find it for the low, low price of $2.99 - it looks brand new! Joelle loves the 'flying squirrel' sleeves that she's seen on a few of my tops - and that Les makes fun of. :)

Malia is already itching for Joelle to out-grow it so she can have next dibs!

1000 gifts: #264 - 277

2012-01-16T17:19:00.004-06:00

[264] moving on - ready or not - and trusting God to direct my path
[265] a 2+ hour conversation that gave me healing even through its tremendous pain
[266] a weekend without cooking
[267] turning 33 - the gift of another year is truly priceless
[268] spending my life with him

[269] and them...never a dull moment!

[270] new songs that lift me up and inspire me
[271] unexpected gifts straight from the heart
[272] words of appreciation that speak to my soul
[273] running on my new treadmill

[274] easing back into routine
[275] a grocery shopping trip that stocked my fridge & pantry once again
[276] the slow beginning of longer daylight hours
[277] the assurance that "this too shall pass"...even if only on the other side of heaven

33

2012-01-15T20:43:00.002-06:00

Here is just a snippet of how I spent my 33rd birthday this weekend.

Outings with friends & family - along with MANY birthday wishes via text, phone calls and Facebook - made this one of my best birthdays yet!

working it out: part III

2012-01-13T14:00:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was the day. My final day as an employee of The Company where I have been for the past almost-twelve years.

And wow - was it ever hard. Everything I did reminded me that it was "for the last time."

I don't have an easy time letting go of things that are so much a part of who I am. I had very deep roots in The Company and I'm sort of at a loss. Sure, I have another job that I'm starting next week, but how do I process this loss?

For me that's what it is. A loss. And I am grieving it.

The Company has been a part of who I am for so long. It was a part of me when I was single, when I was dating & engaged, when I was a newlywed, when I was pregnant for the first (and second) time, and when I was a mother - of babies, toddlers, young girls. I have been employed there for over 1/3 of my life. How do I just let that go?

Working here was a constant in my life. Sure, things changed within The Company - but going there for my employment was always a constant. Here's a small look at some number crunching of my history there: 11 years and 10 months of employment, 4 different departments, 13 different desks, 7 different supervisors, 4 years of full-time, 2 years of maternity leave, 6 years of casual/part-time, hours ranging from 8 hours a week to 40 hours a week. So yes, there were many changes throughout my time there but I could always count on one thing being the same - the place of employment itself.

I know the part that is hardest for me to work through is still the fact that this wasn't really by choice. Sure, I was given the choice to work full-time I suppose (even though they knew full well I wasn't going to take it), but the way my long-time part time position was yanked out from under me so suddenly...it just really feels like I was forced out of the company. I didn't choose this new path.

Packing up my desk yesterday was one of the hardest things. Emptying my work email in-box, packing up my desk clock and the picture of the girls I had proudly displayed, and shutting off my computer. Having people drop by my desk throughout the day to bid me farewell and send me off with their best wishes and their many "We'll miss you" 's. People that have been a part of my life longer than my husband has been. Much longer than my children have been. And longer than most of my friends.

And so I struggle to find my bearings as something so new and unknown lies straight in front of me. But I choose to continue to believe that there is One who has set this path out before me. He has walked it before and knows the way.

All I have to do is follow.

the skinny

2012-01-11T12:53:00.004-06:00

Joelle always complains that skinny jeans aren't as skinny (tight) on her as they are on Malia. The reason? Joelle's legs are just so thin - something she probably won't be complaining about as she hits the teenage years!

The other day Les was talking to her about this and after he told her that her legs were just so skinny he said, "I don't know where you got those from."

And her response? "Not from Mom!"

OUCH!!!

They may not be the skinniest legs you've ever seen, but they don't look too shabby clad in my favorite pair of jeans...in my opinion anyway.

a clean heart

2012-01-10T21:52:00.002-06:00

This winter ~ especially this past week ~ has been very mild. Today I think it even got up to 6*C (42*F). Almost unheard of for this time of year.

While driving around these days, it takes hardly no time at all for the windshield to be covered in messy splatter from the road and other vehicles around you. I'm not one to tolerate a messy windshield for very long. I'll over-use the wipers rather than under-use.

Because I like a clean view. Unobstructed. I don't like it tainted with distracting dirt and grime.

I wish I felt as strongly about my heart. That it would be clean. Unobstructed. Untainted with distracting dirt and grime.

But I don't seem to turn on my internal 'wipers' as often as I do my vehicle ones. My heart is often clouded with far too much 'stuff' that it makes it difficult to see life clearly.

The 'windshield wiper fluid' is available for me to use at any time. At the slightest hint of any dirt coming in contact with my heart, I could get rid of it if I wanted to.

And I do. I really, really do.

"Create in me a clean heart, oh God. And renew a right spirit within me."
~ Keith Green

1000 gifts: #249 - 263

2012-01-09T09:20:00.003-06:00

It's been several weeks since I participated in my regular weekly "100 Gifts" posts. Sure, part of it is because it's been busy with the holidays and all - but if I'm being honest, another part of it is that I was just too focused on counting my miseries lately rather than my gifts. So today it was absolutely essential that I take this time to continue my list.

[249] our very own national anthem singer while watching sports games

[250] silver linings
[251] grace
[252] new traditions springing from an older generation of loved ones

[253] piano duets with my oldest daughter

[254] crazy coincidences that make you smile
[255] glorious family time
[256] the potential for possible closure
[257] challenges that help you grow
[258] these two beautiful sisters

[259] getting lost in song
[260] a well-timed hug
[261] speaking through silence
[262] ringing in the new year with my 3 most favorite people

[263] a kid's spin-off of a hilarious group game (Quelf Jr.)

"This day and your life ... are God's gift to you , so give thanks and be joyful always!"
~ Anonymous

working it out: part II

2012-01-05T16:00:00.000-06:00

Like I mentioned in "working it out: part I" the other day, I am currently in the last few days of my long-time job due to an ultimatum I was given in November - work full-time or quit.

So where does this leave me now?

Within the first couple weeks of me getting this news dropped on me, I pretty much did nothing but stress and panic about it. I may have only been working a combined total of 15 hours a week (including my take-home work), but it's amazing how quickly that all adds up. And having dropped off many resumes back in September already and knowing that there weren't a lot of options nearby that would give me the hours I wanted, I was really concerned as to how I was going to make up my financial contribution to the household.

Les was fine if I just didn't work at all and we would just cut back on things - but not only did I not think it was feasible to cut back on enough to cover what I was making, I just felt like I should still be contributing. With both girls in school full-time, there's no reason why I can't work at least a little bit. Enough to help out yet not too much where we run into issues with the girls before & after school or on long school breaks.

I just didn't think there was an option out there for me. With the amount of years I had been with this other company, they had grown very flexible with working together with me to figure out schedules that worked for everyone involved. But to start out at a new company, I would have no say in the hours. I was really prepared to just have to stay at home full-time and start to live very differently.

After a couple of weeks of stressing about this, an idea started to plant itself in my mind. And right about this same time another opportunity presented itself to me as a different possibility. I heard about a part-time position at the local credit union so I dropped off my resume and was called a few days later to come in for an interview at the end of the week. I hadn't been interviewed in almost 12 years, so this was something that was extremely nerve-wracking for me. I was praying going into this interview that I would know right away if the hours would work for us. If it was 5-10 hours a week - perfect. If it was 20+ hours a week - not so perfect. The problem would be if the hours were somewhere in between. So I was really hoping and praying that God would guide me with one of the other options so that the answer would be clear.

About 2 minutes into the interview, I got my answer. The hours would be between 20-30 hours a week. I knew right then and there that whether they offered the job to me or not, I wouldn't take it, but the interview continued - and I still remained terribly nervous! In hindsight I just wish I had asked about the hours before the interview - it would've saved me a lot of anxiety and nervousness! But I suppose it's always a good experience to be interviewed. And it was just one more example of how I needed to step out in faith.

After that experience, knowing that it wasn't the right option for me, I decided to go full-on with my other idea that had taken root in my mind. Something that I don't know why I hadn't thought of sooner. It's a job that has been front & center of my life growing up, a job that I have 10+ years of experience in and a job that has total flexibility where I can make my own hours and set my own wage!

I bet you're wondering what kind of job that is! Well, it's cleaning houses. This is the job that my Mom did while we were growing up (and still does it) and I always loved how she was home for us before & after school. I may not enjoy cleaning all that much - okay, not at all - but if someone's paying me to do it, why not?

With a friend's help (who does the same job) and the teeniest bit of advertising on Facebook, it took me no time to recruit a nice number of clients right off the hop. Right now I have 5 set clients and I will be fitting them in on Tuesdays & Wednesdays which still leaves me 3 days to just be at home. And with both this friend and my Mom's expertise I have gotten lots of tips and advice. I actually started out with some of these cleaning jobs the week before Christmas, as some of my clients wanted a clean before the holidays - but now I won't be doing any cleaning until my other job is officially over (working both jobs at the same time was too overwhelming for me).

My Mom even came with me to one client's house to help me clean it for the first time because of its size. It's a MASSIVE house with 4 bathrooms and the thought of going there by myself for the first time was really taking its toll on me. So with my Mom's generous offer it took a giant load off my shoulders.

Again, there are mixed feelings here. It's great to have found a job to do where I can set my own hours (provided it works for the clients of course and that there are enough clients to fill the hours that I want). And it was wonderful to have God's clear direction as he very quickly opened doors for me and let everything fall into place in such short order.

But I will still miss my other job. I will miss the adult interaction, and this is actually a big thing for me. I tend to hide away behind my own four walls, and my job was a way to force me to get out there and be among other people. Now I'll be home by myself 3 days a week and working by myself the other 2. And I will miss the kind of work too. Not necessarily the boring little things, but the fact that I could just sit at a desk and work on a computer. Boring or not, I do tend to enjoy those types of jobs better than house cleaning.

In the end, of course there are pros and cons to both and really I don't have much of a choice anyway. So I will finish off my long-time job next week and then begin a brand new chapter of my life the week after. Only time will tell how it will all go - but I'm choosing to believe that this is where God wants me. That it's His way of looking after us and keeping me available to my family the way I have been up until now. There will be days where I will wish desperately that things could go back to the way they were - but I'm betting there will also be days where I am very grateful things happened the way that they did.

One thing I was worried about a little bit was that I would be so tired of cleaning other people's houses that my house would get neglected. But I'm starting to think that might not be as much of a problem afterall. One thing that leads me to believe this is what happened the week leading up to Christmas - when I was doing a few house cleans to get people ready for the holidays. I had just finished a week and a half of dealing with sick kids, cleaning 3 houses and working my regular job. I had just come home from cleaning a house for 5 solid hours and I was utterly and terribly exhausted. But because of my schedule - and my lack of energy due to lack of sleep from the aforementioned sick children - my own house was a bit of a disaster. All I wanted to do was sit on the couch and put my feet up.

But I couldn't.

I didn't think it was fair that I had worked so hard to clean other people's homes for the holidays, yet my own home was causing me stress everytime I walked in the door and saw its condition. So I spent another hour and a half working in my own home getting things at least tidied up so I could properly relax in my own house. My back was sore, my feet were tired...but I was determined to give myself the same luxury as I had given those other people.

I have started to change my mind-set a little bit when it comes to cleaning my own home. Yesterday was another day where I needed to do some much-needed cleaning in my own house. I decided to clean my house the way I would clean a client's house. Not just skimming over the surface like I often do inside my own four walls - but a real, true cleaning. It takes far more time of course - but the results are so worth it. So that's how I'm going to start cleaning my house from now on - as if I am my own client. I may not get paid in cash to do it...but that leads me to another way in which my mind-set has changed...

One of the biggest reasons for me turning down the full-time position at my place of employment is so that I can be as present for my kids as possible when they are not in school. One of the ways I can do that is by doing as much of my household chores as possible during the days when I am home and the kids are in school. I turned down the full-time position because of my already-existing full-time position as a wife and mother. If I can talk the talk - I need to walk the walk. So again, that translates into me treating my own home like one of my clients - regular deep cleans on my days 'off' to keep me more available for the girls when they're home from school.

And there you have it. The conclusion to my big work story. Most of you probably had no idea that any of this was going on, with some of you only knowing that I was going to be out of work soon but not knowing what I was going to do next. But now you all know the full story (in a nut-shell anyway).

The story of how, together with God's guidance, I've been working it out...

working it out: part I

2012-01-04T15:18:00.005-06:00

I figured I was long over-due to do a post on ME - what's been happening to me in the past few months. So today I will tell you (or start to tell you) about one of the biggest things that has been affecting me since early fall.

And that is my job.

For the past almost-twelve years I have been employed by the same company. I started out working full-time and after my first maternity leave I have been working in part-time or casual-time status, ranging anywhere from 1-3 days a week. For the past while I have been working 2 short days a week and doing a little bit of take-home work each week as well. My job consists mainly of data entry and can be very boring and monotonous. But I have always been grateful for it because it gets me out of the house and it helps me make extra income for my family. So I was content.

Back in September everything started to change. I was called into my boss' office - along with my 2 other supervisors - and was told that I was going to have to start taking on some CSR (Customer Service Representative) duties. Mainly making phone calls to customers.

I immediately began to panic. This has always been the one job I did not want to do. I'm not great with people, and especially in a role as a CSR where you are the messenger - sometimes with good news, often with bad - it just gets me all worked up just thinking about it.

I'll tell you that right then and there I wanted to quit. I went home that afternoon and could think of nothing else. I was upset, I was scared, I was super stressed and I just didn't know what to do. Les was supportive with whatever I wanted to do - and I really thought that I would walk in to work two days later and quit. But after I woke up the next day and had time to think and sleep on it, things changed a little bit. No, I still did not want my job to change. I did not want to have to be on the phone with customers and risk getting yelled at. I did not want that sort of a stressful job, no matter how part-time.

And I did take the next day or two to print out resumes and drop them off around town and I even made a doctor's appointment to talk about the possibility of going on stress leave if things at work got really bad. But in the end, I went back into work and decided to just trust God. In an email I sent to some close friends & family, this is how I worded it:

It's always hard to discern what exactly God is trying to say to you in situations like this. Is He putting me in this situation to challenge me and to grow? To possibly try to tackle some of my anxiety issues? To show me that I can do something even when I believe I can not?

Or is He trying to tell me that there are other options out there for me and this is my cue to leave the company I have been with for the past 11 years?

If I up and quit right away - or immediately go on stress leave - I'll never know. But if I say to God, "Okay - I am willing to walk in faith" and try to conquer the roadblock put in my way...imagine the possibilities! If I do feel though that this new position is really putting me over the edge, having the back-up of a doctor's letter will make me feel better about heading into it. But I'll never know unless I try.

It was the hardest thing I have done in a long time to walk back into my place of employment, but with God's help, I did it. I spent that next day in training, but after that? I never had to make a single phone call.

Not one!

My supervisors told me a few times here and there that the next time I came in to work they would for sure be needing me to help out with making phone calls. But "the next time" never came. I was still anxious every day going in to work because I just never knew what to expect. But every day as I left work, having been spared from doing what I dreaded so much, I said a prayer of thanks to God and I was confident that I had done the right thing by not quitting.

Fast-forward to mid-November. I was called in with 2 of the same supervisors and was told very matter-of-factly that they were changing my position to full-time. I could take it...or leave it. They had made mention of this possibility back in September at that other meeting but I didn't really think much of it. One of my supervisors has made that threat for the past few years that my part-time hours might not last, but another supervisor always made it clear that it wasn't very likely.

Until now.

I knew right away that I had to take the "leave it" option and quit. My family isn't in the position right now for me to take on a full-time job. With Les working such long hours - and often away Monday - Friday for months at a time - I'm the only parent my girls have during the week. Before & After school daycare just isn't an option for us. And to think of 10 weeks of summer holidays having to put them in daycare? I know it works for some people, but it's not the choice that works for us.

Thankfully they have given me an 8 week worker's notice, but the end was still looming and it was hard for me to take in. Next week wraps up the 8 weeks notice and after that I will say good-bye to the company that has been my place of employment for 11 years and 10 months. I have very mixed emotions in all of this. Part of me is happy to be leaving the company, especially since I have had some not-so-good experiences with some of my supervisors - not even including the past few months. And as I mentioned previously, my work is most often boring and monotonous.

But the bigger part of me is sad. I don't like change. I like going in to a familiar and comfortable place and doing a familiar and comfortable job and I like seeing familiar faces - my dad in particular, who also works at this company. This company has been a part of my life longer than most people have. And the thing that makes it so hard is that I wouldn't have chosen this.

Most often when someone quits a job, it's because they've found something else and they chose to leave. Technically I had a choice since they didn't fire me - but it wasn't the choice I wanted to have to make. I wanted to keep things the way that they were - especially since I had dodged the bullet of being a CSR.

But God had other plans. And just like I walked in faith back in September, I need to do the same thing now. He knows the big picture. And He will walk beside me as I paint that picture.

So what's next for me? I'll tell you that in Part II....

the final hour

2012-01-03T18:52:00.002-06:00

When Joelle decides she's not going to do something - she's pretty determined to stick to that (hmmm...sounds like someone else I know!). So for the six days we were at a hotel on our family vacation last year and the four days we were back at that same hotel just this past week, she refused to go on the small - but fun (according to Malia's use of it) - waterslide.

Until the final hour of their final swim (or more like the final 20 minutes).

She finally tried it - first with Les and then on her own - and the result was just like the one we had tried to convince her of ever since last year: She would love it and would want to do it...

over...

and over...

and over again!

I don't like to say "I told you so"...and it turns out I don't have to. The pictures say it for me. ;)

another year gone by

2011-12-31T18:49:00.005-06:00

It's my favorite post of the year - the one where I look back at the past year and reflect on how my girls have changed, using links to previous blog posts to shed more light on the events that have shaped them into who they are (you can read last year's post here). This year it's Joelle's turn to go first:

*****************************************************************************

This beautiful blonde girl started the year 2011 out as a seven-year-old who was excelling in her grade 2 class and blossoming with new-found confidence, and she is embarking on the year 2012 as an eight-year-old who is continuing to explore said confidence as well as remaining an excellent student, now in Grade 3. Her teachers always have nothing but good things to say about her and she is well-liked among her peers.

She still continues to amaze me from time to time with how socially confident she has become. It doesn't seem like that long ago to me when she would hide behind me if an adult (especially one she didn't know very well) would talk to her. Now she goofs around with some of my uncles at extended family gatherings, makes easy small-talk with waitresses at restaurants and makes solid eye contact with pretty much everybody she's having a conversation with. She also is getting more comfortable with talking in front of her class of peers as she has sometimes brought a story she has written to school asking her teacher if she can read it to everyone.

One of the areas Joelle struggles with is her fears. This is not unlike her Mother, so she comes by it very honestly, but it's something that I wish she didn't have to deal with on such a severe level. This child will take something small and it will plant a seed in her mind that she just can't seem to shake. And she will over-think and over-think and over-think it until she just about drives herself insane with fear. Things that seem completely unrealistic (and other things that are realistic) take this hold on her and completely control her mind. Along with a chart of things to help distract her that we made for her to keep beside her bed, she has also started to turn to prayer - all on her own - when she's struggling with some of these fears at night. I hope and continue to pray that she gets a handle on this sooner rather than later, as - speaking from experience - it's not a pleasant way to live.

Joelle experienced some pretty big 'firsts' this year. One of them was that she had her very first job! It was feeding her Grade 2 teacher's pets for a week (together with one of her best friends) and it was pretty cool to see how seriously she took the responsibility - and watching her split a tiny bit of money with her little sister who came along to help every time was extra special to witness!

But probably the biggest thing that happened to this child this past year was that she went away to summer camp for the very first time! One of her BFF's invited her and it was with much hesitation that I was okay with letting her fly away. Afterall, it was for FOUR NIGHTS and she would be in a completely strange environment more than an hour away from me. But she surprised me with her bravery in taking on this new adventure. It was the most amazing experience for her and she will no doubt go again this year...sigh.

Joelle is continuing to take piano lessons (from dear ol' Mom), and while she gets frustrated easily if she can't play a new song perfectly the first few times, she is doing very well. Just a few weeks ago we played our second duet in church and she played to absolute perfection! I'm hoping next year will bring about her first solo performance!

Joelle has continued to have a lot of friends, and this fall she went on her first playdate to a boy's house! This 'young man' has been one of her good friends ever since Kindergarten and it's sweet to see them continue their friendship. Even when some kids in their class were teasing them about their upcoming playdate (apparently it created quite the buzz), she never wavered about going over to his house and they had the most excellent time! I know all too soon it won't be as appropriate or innocent for her to have boy-girl playdates, but for now I think it's nothing but sweet.

On the same lines of friendship, one of her BFF's (the one who invited her to camp) moved 2 hours away. This has been difficult for Joelle as this is another friend who has been close to her since Kindergarten. She has dealt with it well though and for now, at least, they continue to keep in touch with a bit of letter-writing.

But no matter how many friends she has, or which ones move away, she'll always have her live-in BFF - her little sister. The bond that these two girls continue to have is something that is oh-so-special to watch. The fighting goes without saying, but not all sisters love each other in between the battles the way these two do. Joelle can be so nurturing to Malia, it almost brings tears to my eyes. The way she encourages Malia in her progress of reading, spelling and even coloring with her words of praise go far to boost Malia's confidence.

Joelle, you are a beautiful child. I look forward to seeing the things that are in store for you in the year 2012 and I wonder what I will be looking back on in a year from now. I know one thing is for certain - my love for you will only be stronger.

****************************************************************************

My Little Miss Malia entered 2011 as a 5-year-old with budding maturity and is leaving the same year as a 6-year-old with something to prove! As last year's new year's entry stated, Malia was not enjoying kindergarten and was not looking forward to going back after the Christmas break. However, when the time came, she took it on like a pro and the complaints about having to go to school all but stopped. And when she started Grade 1 this fall she gave it all she got and has truly amazed me with her determination. I have witnessed her growing leaps and bounds with her reading abilities and it makes me nothing but proud to see where she has come from and where she is going to continue to go with her hard work and positive attitude.

Her teachers also have very good things to say about her - especially in the areas of her attitude and personality. She has made a lot of friends (the number of birthday parties she was invited to last year was astounding!) and is just an all-around fun girl to be around.

Her goofy attitude is still going strong and I hope it's something that will stick around for the long haul (which I'm pretty sure it will)! She is a wonderfully bubbly girl whose giggles are contagious.

As silly and goofy as this child can be, she has also shown this year that she isn't a little girl anymore; she's definitely growing up. With dangly earrings, losing teeth (don't forget to check out this video if you haven't already seen it) and a more mature wardrobe style, she's definitely showing us that things are changing - ready or not!

This past summer Malia took a stab at soccer for the first time - and it seemed that she had really found her niche. The energy this girl possessed on the field was astounding and it was fun watching her excel out there. Something else new for this child this year is that she figured out how to braid her hair! You should've seen how proud of herself she was when she showed me her first real braid (rather than just a two-stranded 'twist').

Malia also has a strong love of music. No piano lessons for this girl (not yet anyway), but she can constantly be found singing & dancing. She's got some pretty fun dance moves and she also seems to have pretty good rhythm. It's a great way for her to burn off some of her non-stop energy!!

As energetic as this 6-year-old girl is, she is just as cuddly. She is the one in this house who gives (and asks for) the most hugs and kisses. She will sit and cuddle on your lap and just really dole out the love. She even went through a phase where she would come to me in the middle of the night (almost every night) just to get a quick cuddle before scurrying back off to bed. She actually did this to me just the other night again after a long hiatus, and it sure felt sweet!

Another way she shows this lovey-dovey side is with babies and toddlers. Sure, she will often over-do it with a youngster by getting in their face a bit too much - but it's all because she just loves SO much. This is especially evident in how she loves on her 18-month-old cousin Sawyer. She just can not get enough of her and would spend every single minute with her when we're together if she could. She just wants to hold her, walk with her, baby-talk with her, hug her, play with her...just love her. It's a very appealing character trait and I love watching this in her.

As for the sister bond my two daughters share, Malia plays just as much a part in it as Joelle does. Just the other day when Joelle was at the doctor's office (finding out that she had strep throat), Malia had prepared a little 'care package' for her sister to give to her upon her return - a pack of fuzzy peaches from her Halloween stash and a balloon, together with a note that said "Joelle, I hope you feel better soon. Love Malia." She will also often give things of hers to Joelle if she's having a rough day, just to make her feel better - like an extra blanket to sleep with or a stuffed animal to cuddle with.

Malia, God has wonderful things planned for you in the days, months and years to come. I am excited to see the way He will use your spunk and contagious joy in the world. I love you, sweet child.

where are you Christmas?

2011-12-26T19:46:00.005-06:00

I realized today that I have hardly made any mention of Christmas this year. This is something that is very uncommon for me, but as I reflect a bit on it I realize that my love for the Christmas season has dwindled throughout the years.

It's not that I don't still love the things that surround the season - the beautiful lights, the festive music, the gatherings with loved ones...and yes, the presents too. And it's certainly not that I don't appreciate the real reason we celebrate Christmas - Jesus' birthday.

But I seem to have lost my "it" factor when it comes to this time of year.

I remember being so happy during the Christmas season. I used to start playing my music the day after Thanksgiving (Canadian Thanksgiving that is, which means around the 2nd week of October). My Christmas socks would make their appearance at the first snowfall. And when I worked at a computer company in my late teens/early twenties I was even known as "The Christmas Countdown Chick" where I would email a large group of my co-workers every day in December with Christmas quotes, quizzes, even a scavenger hunt. Yes, the love of Christmas was as much a part of me as my love of Pepsi! Everyone who knew me knew that I was definitely into Christmas.

But yesterday evening (Christmas Day), I caught myself thinking: "When did Christmas get so depressing?"

It's exhausting. It's overwhelming. It's too busy. It always comes with someone being sick (not necessarily right on Christmas Day, but definitely right around the season). It's too dark. There's too much of a mess afterwards to clean up all of the clutter.

I didn't used to always feel that way about this time of year. But lately - this year in particular - I find myself struggling to see the light and joy of Christmas. Yes, I know the greatest light we could ever hope for shone down on us when Jesus was born in the manger. And I know that along with that came the greatest gift 30-some years later when he died on the cross to save us from our sins and give us eternal salvation.

I know all of that. I know I should feel nothing but joy and gratitude.

But instead I just feel sad. And I wonder when I will get back my zest for this special time of year

forgotten foto friday

2011-12-16T14:24:00.002-06:00

Forgotten Foto Friday, in case you're wondering, is a weekly post for random pictures. Where we dig through our memory cards and hard drives to find pictures we liked or were significant but somehow got forgotten, and we finally share them with the world in a delightfully random post!

It's hosted by Tammi over at Laughing at the Future - so head on over there if you want to join in!

Today I really needed pictures that were going to make me (and hopefully you!) smile. How adorable is this just-turned-three-year-old Malia? Sometimes I really miss those days...

And my then-5-year-old sweet Joelle with an injured butterfly (you can read about the original story - and see an even lovelier picture about it here).

Yes, these pictures make me smile. And that's something that is in dire need of around here these days.

forever His child

2011-12-15T15:47:00.002-06:00

It's been a r-o-u-g-h week around here, for a variety of reasons. So last night as I was tucking the girls into bed, I was telling them that I was going to be getting myself ready for bed as well.

Joelle giggled and said, "But it's only 8:30! Are you trying to be like a kid again?"

"I wish I could be a kid again," was my quiet reply.

"What?" she questioned, with surprise in her voice. "How come?"

"Because then I could have somebody around to always take care of me."

As I was thinking those same line of thoughts this morning - during an especially dark time - I was reminded that, really, I am Someone's child. And that I do always have Somebody around to take care of me. I just need to let Him.

So...I did.

all the thanks i need

2011-12-14T07:00:00.000-06:00

One night earlier this week, Joelle was down and out with a bit of a yucky bug. I set myself up a little bed on the floor in her room to console her with my presence and prepared myself for what was sure to be a long night.

After Joelle had been quiet for awhile - finally resting - she lifted her head up and whispered: "Mom?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"I love you..." she replied as she rolled over and went back to a fitful sleep.

{insert warm fuzzy sigh here} "I love you too sweetie."

this is what happens...

2011-12-13T08:00:00.000-06:00

...when your 6-year-old gets ahold of your camera!

1000 gifts: #238 - 248

2011-12-12T11:44:00.007-06:00

[238] courage to put myself out there, no matter how frighteningly scary it was
[239] almost getting back to my "five pound window" for my weight
[240] helping hands in the kitchen

[241] my daughters conquering stage fright (one in particular)
[242] finally finishing my puzzle - and having my entire table back again!

[243] Christmas specials on TV
[244] maternal instincts that kick in when needed
[245] the number 2 and how perfect a fit it is for our family

*picture taken by my very talented friend Jackie*

[246] being stocked up on noodle soup, 7-Up and soda crackers (too late for this time around, but at least now I'm prepared for next time!)

[247] choosing to spread compliments & positivity to those around me rather than harbouring jealousy - a work in progress
[248] signs of hope, given to me by my Heavenly Father

"Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving."

~ W.T. Purkiser

work of art

2011-12-11T20:38:00.003-06:00

He who began

a good work in you

will carry it on

to completion

until the day of Christ Jesus.

Philippians 1:6

forgotten foto friday

2011-12-09T09:50:00.002-06:00

Ah...Forgotten Foto Friday once again. Where we dig through our memory cards and hard drives to find pictures we liked or were significant but somehow got forgotten, and we finally share them with the world in a delightfully random post!

If you want to play along this week (and I suggest you do!) you can click on the button or click right here to bring you to the lovely hostess' site.

Malia last December in one of her oh-so-classic Malia ensembles!

Joelle digging in to her very first caramel covered apple two summers ago. Mmmm...

And a very familiar site every year at our place....wheeeee!!!

all she wants for Christmas (part II)

2011-12-05T11:00:00.001-06:00

You would not believe how excited I was for Malia to lose her 2nd top tooth now in December. How fitting to be able to sing this song in front of the Christmas tree (hoarse voice and all!):

And not only that - but two years ago, sweet little Joelle was able to sing the same song!

1000 gifts: #224 - 237

2011-12-05T10:30:00.003-06:00

[224] cheap movies
[225] wings & fries
[226] sharing the above two items with a best friend
[227] new ideas
[228] finishing a good book
[229] possibilities on the horizon
[230] people looking out for me
[231] the nearing light (at the end of another one of these long tunnels)
[232] Christmas lights and the light and hope they bring in the cold darkness
[233] a growing savings-stash for a treadmill in the new year
[234] plans falling into place (albeit with a lot of re-arranging to make it all work!)
[235] date night in 5 days
[236] rosy cheeks
[237] a warm home

“Give thanks for a little and you will find a lot.”
~ The Hausa of Nigeria

forgotten foto friday

2011-12-02T08:00:00.000-06:00

It's "Forgotten Foto Friday" time. Where we dig through our memory cards and hard drives to find pictures we liked or were significant but somehow got forgotten, and we finally share them with the world in a delightfully random post!

This week's edition are pictures from the summer of 2009. And they are all face-less! Sometimes it's the pictures that don't show anyone's faces that are the most beautiful. And they're usually the ones that need no words. Here are some of my favorites...

Hop on over to Tammi's blog to join in on the FFF fun!

ground rules

2011-11-30T06:00:00.000-06:00

Last week I was at my wit's end with my girls. The seemingly constant whining, bickering, disobeying and downright negative attitudes were enough to drive me completely insane!

So on Wednesday morning last week, when they were upstairs brushing their teeth before school and yet another fight ensued, I lost it.

"That's it!" I bellowed. "You're both grounded. For a full week!!"

This was new to them as they have never officially been grounded before. They've had a loss of privileges for a short time, but usually only one thing at a time - no Wii or no having friends over, that kind of thing - and only for a couple of days. But this time I was serious. No friends, no TV, no Wii or no computer.

Nothing.

For a full week.

{Gulp!} What did I get myself into???

As it turns out, it was really a very great thing. They were both upset at me while heading off to school that morning - and Joelle still humphed at me upon coming home later that afternoon - but it wasn't long into Wednesday evening where they made the best of their situation.

They were much more obedient, they were playing nicely together - and with toys and imaginations that had all but been forgotten lately - and were just much more pleasant to have around. I breathed a sigh of relief that Day 1 had gone much better than I had anticipated.

As Day 1 turned into Day 2 and Day 2 turned into Day 3 I really could not believe the change in these girls. No, they weren't perfect - but they had done a real turn-around from what things had been like before. And they didn't even complain about their punishment. There was no begging for their privileges back (as I had made it very clear that it wasn't going to happen) and no feet stomping or doors slamming.

(On Day 3 though, Joelle did say that she thought it had been long enough - they had learned their lesson already. Uh...nice try sweetie!)

Other than that though, it really went very smoothly. Sunday afternoon was one of my favorite times; they played outside together for close to 3 hours, just the two of them. It was pure bliss. There were actually even times where they said they liked being grounded! I think it was that they were giving themselves the opportunity to be creative. Now, this isn't to say that before this grounding act that all they did was sit in front of screens - far from it actually. Wii is usually kept for the weekends when Daddy's home to play it with them and they don't go on the computer much more than once a week - if that.

The television is a bit more of our downfall, I will admit. It's so easy to just kill a bit of time that way. If I'm busy making supper and the girls are restless or just not getting along, it's so easy to just tell them to watch a 1/2 hour show until supper's ready. Or if I'm cleaning up from supper and making lunches for the next day. Or if they need a bit of unwinding time right before bed. Just little snippets here and there...but they all add up.

But over the past 7 days we have spent a lot of time doing other things with those snippets. Continuing to work on the puzzle-in-progress on the dining room table. Reading more books. And having dance parties - lots and lots of dance parties!

I will confess though...I cheated once. The grounding was supposed to officially go until Wednesday morning - but yesterday (on the last night) I caved and let them watch a bit of TV. In my defense, Malia was feeling rotten and I just wanted her to be able to rest. And with Joelle being a bit extra-hyper, it just wasn't a good combination. But it was my own decision and not because of begging on their part. As soon as I said it though, I regretted it. I only had 2 hours left to go and I would've been home-free...but alas, I screwed up. I won't beat myself up over it though. I did what I thought was the right thing at the time I verbally said it. Whether it was or not is not important because I can't go back and change it now.

All in all though, I'm proud of all 3 of us. Proud of me for sticking to my guns and proud of them for dealing so well with their week-long sentence. And here's hoping that they will have actually learned their lesson. At least now they know what it feels like to be grounded, so if I remind them of the consequences, hopefully they will take it to heart and fix what needs to be fixed before it goes this far again.

A+ for effort and attitude

2011-11-29T20:24:00.000-06:00

My sweet Little Miss Malia has been struggling with some school-related things since she started Kindergarten last year. At the Parent-Teacher interviews last November, I discovered that Malia only recognized 7 of the 26 letters of the alphabet.

I went to work with her and two weeks after that startling realization, Malia proved what she could do by conquering nearly the entire alphabet in just 14 short days.

However, after she learned all of the letter names, she then had a difficult time learning their sounds. Her kindergarten teacher put her in a small group where they focused a lot of time and energy on letter sounds and she came out of that group confident with her sounds and proud of her accomplishments.

The one set-back to this hard-core focusing on letter sounds was that it made her have a hard time looking at words as a whole. For example - she was concentrating so hard on the individual letter sounds, that reading the word "the" was impossible for her. She would sound it out letter by letter, making the T sound, then the H sound and then the E sound individually, rather than grouping it together as a word. She has made progress with that now too, but still struggles.

All of this work, however, put her behind in her reading since she needed to take a lot of time in learning the names and sounds first. She is now in Grade 1 and her Term 1 report card came home two weeks ago with Parent-Teacher interviews the following Thursday.

My precious little 6 year old girl is a great student who is well-liked by her teacher and her classmates. She is friendly, she listens well and she puts in a lot of effort in her work. And I am so very proud of her for that.

Her struggle with reading still remains - and while they would like Grade 1 students to be reading at Level 4 or 5 at this point, Malia is still at Level 2. At times this really discourages me, but then at other times - most times - I am just bursting with pride at this girl's determination.

And she is p-r-o-u-d of herself too! Last year she would often get frustrated and say things about her lack of reading skills that would break my heart. But now? Well, she has no idea that she is in a low reading level. She is just plain excited at what she CAN do and is excited to sit down every evening with a home-reading book or get quizzed on her sight-words flash cards.

Her newest thing is learning about punctuation - specifically the exclamation mark! I love listening to her putting more emphasis on the words with the exclamation marks after them (especially the one-word sentences with exclamation marks, like "Look!" or "Dad!").

No, she may not be at the top of her class when it comes to reading - but I'd be willing to bet that I am just as proud of her - if not more so - than the parents of the kids reading above grade level.

1000 gifts: #212 - 223

2011-11-28T13:44:00.004-06:00

[212] imaginations being fully explored due to a week without friends, TV, Wii or computer
[213] mild weather making things feel more like March than November
[214] new Christmas music - in particular, my new favorite: Michael Buble's new Christmas album
[215] everything about this:

[216] being able to volunteer in my girls' classrooms
[217] a clean house
[218] hosting a house full of company
[219] getting a good start on my Christmas baking

[220] dinner by candlelight with my sweet family
[221] the way my husband still looks at me after 10 years of marriage
[222] a special invitation
[223] the new view in our living room

"A good memory is one that can remember the day's blessings and forget the day's troubles."
~ Unknown

forgotten foto friday

2011-11-25T08:03:00.004-06:00

I'm so happy about Tammi's idea to do a "Forgotten Foto Friday" post every week. It's nice to have a little extra motivation to post more pictures!

And it's been fun to go through some pictures that I truly have forgotten about. There are some good memories hidden away on that camera card - and whether you're a blogger or not, you should take a look at yours and see how your forgotten gems make you smile!

Here are my pictures for this week:

Malia sporting one of her used-to-be regular do-it-yourself hairstyles. Oh, was she ever proud of herself for coming up with this beauty of a look!

And while we're on the topic of hair - how cute is this sister-to-sister moment?

(And I see someone needs to change the toilet paper roll...)

Head on over to Laughing at the Future by clicking here or on the Forgotten Foto Friday picture at the top of the post to add your own link and to check out the links of others!

celebrating a GRAND occasion

2011-11-21T20:21:00.005-06:00

On May 10th, 2007, I started making my mark in the blogosphere with this here blog - which was called "Just As I Am" at that time. I fell in love with blogging immediately, and although I've had some droughts from time to time, I've been regularly blogging ever since that day. And...

In the past 4 years, 6 months and 11 days I have logged in 1000 posts!

So - how to celebrate this momentous occasion? Originally I was going to celebrate with a give-away...but I couldn't wait this long to do it, so I went ahead with it at Post #950 instead!

Rather, I am going to post 1000 things about me. Yup, you read that correctly. One thousand things about Andrea are coming at'cha in this one post. Ummm...okay that might be a little over-the-top. I'll drop a zero and make it 100 things about me (you can read my first "100 things about me" post that I did for my 100th blog post here).

1) My first name is Andrea
2) My middle name is Gaylene
3) My last name used to start with a D
4) Then it changed to an F
5) And now that I'm married it begins with a T
6) I have two older sisters and one younger brother
7) I have 7 nieces
8) And 3 nephews
9) I have 4 sisters-in-law
10) And 4 brothers-in-law

11) I once had a cat named Frisky
12) And one named Boots
13) And many other cats with many different names
14) But I hate cats (well, cats scare me is maybe more accurate)
15) My sisters once locked me in a grain bin
16) I fainted once while playing an outside game in the dark
17) I love the Twilight series
18) I cry in romance movies
19) I love shopping at thrift stores
20) But I also love shopping at the mall

21) Finding good deals makes me giddy
22) I played the clarinet in Jr. High and High school
23) I was actually pretty good - I made the Manitoba Jr. High Honour Band in grades 7-9
24) When I didn't make the Senior High Honour Band in Grade 10, I quit trying out
25) I started taking piano lessons when I was in Grade 2
26) I started teaching Joelle piano lessons when she was in Grade 2
27) And I plan on teaching Malia piano lessons when she begins Grade 2 next year
28) I started playing the guitar this summer
29) I love to sing
30) Music is a huge part of my life

31) I love a clean house, yet struggle to get it (and keep it) that way
32) I love to eat, yet I don't really enjoy cooking
33) But I love to bake
34) In June 2009 I started a major weight-loss journey that changed my life
35) In September 2010 I had lost 70 pounds and reached my goal
36) I have managed to keep the weight off - with the exception of 5 pounds
37) I went from a size 16 to a size 6
38) I battle with depression and have done so since the Fall of 2005
39) Cleaning bathrooms is one of my least favorite chores
40) Laundry is the other one

41) I love fresh-smelling laundry - especially my bedsheets
42) I got my ears pierced a few weeks before my 30th birthday
43) I don't really have a favorite colour
44) My hair is naturally a dirty blonde
45) But I prefer it dark - "Dark Spice" has been my colour off-and-on for the past few years
46) My favourite (current) TV show is "Parenthood"
47) I am often scared to voice my opinion if it is different from those I am around
48) I used to have the entire "Lion King" movie memorized. Word for word.
49) I think the ORIGINAL Super Mario Bros. video game is the best one
50) I haven't seen very many classic movies

51) I hate speaking in public
52) I was so excited to get my first dishwasher (just less than 6 years ago) that I had Les take a picture of me pushing the "start" button for the first time!
53) I love to dance
54) But I'm terrible at it - which is why you probably won't ever see me do it!
55) Once at a piano festival, I stopped playing my piece two bars in because I forgot what came next. I had to re-start and I was worried what my mark would be. I ended up getting 1st place - I guess the adjudicator must've figured I was just testing the piano or something..?
56) I used to have a piano duet partner named Shannon
57) I take really quick showers
58) I'm a picky eater and I don't like to try new things
59) I don't cook with onions
60) I hate being late

61) I can not draw for the life of me
62) When I was younger I was pigeon-toed
63) Les still sees a bit of that in me and has told me that he always found it cute
64) I'm the one who asked Les out 11 years ago
65) I'm also the one who said "I love you" first
66) But I left the proposing up to him. :)
67) My wedding dress didn't have a train or a veil
68) I used to wear contacts but now they make me feel insecure and vulnerable
69) I like to swim - but usually only in pools
70) My favorite type of food is Mexican

71) My favorite overall chips are Nacho Cheese Doritos
72) They're even better dipped in salsa
73) I don't like talking on the phone
74) Outside of my blog, I'm actually a pretty private person
75) I'm also quite shy
76) For someone who doesn't like roller coasters (and most other rides) I have been to a lot of amusement parks: Disney Land, Knottsberry Farm, Six Flags (Chicago) and ValleyFair.
77) I have owned/co-owned 6 vehicles: a Honda Civic, a Honda Accord, a Toyota Tercel, a Jeep Cherokee, a Ford F-150 and a Ford Windstar
78) My favorite one was the Honda Civic
79) I became a Mom when I was 24 years old
80) By the time I was 26 years old my family was complete

81) I love making birthday cakes for my girls
82) I'm often an impulse-buyer
83) I very seldom carry cash
84) I have never had credit card debt
85) Or a line of credit
86) I went to the same elementary school as my girls now go to
87) Joelle and I even had the same music teacher
88) I'm not much of a candy person, but every once in awhile I get a serious hankering for some Twizzlers
89) I. do. not. drink. milk.
90) Although I did force myself to drink chocolate milk somewhat regularly during both of my pregnancies

91) I don't drink pop unless it's Pepsi (or Coke will do in a pinch)
92) I don't use anything other than Bath & Body Works soaps in my house
93) I used to have cheese whiz on my toast every morning, then it switched to Nutella and now I'm on a raspberry jam kick
94) I can't keep plants alive for very long
95) I am not good at sports
96) The fastest I have ever ran 3 miles is in 29 minutes and 51 seconds
97) It's been months since I have ran that far
98) I love eating out at restaurants
99) I'm still a little bit obsessed with my scale but it's getting marginally better

and...

100) When I was in Jr. High/High School, I was known as "The Squeaker." If someone would poke me in the side - or even pretend to - I'd jump and let out a little squeak. Some people took full advantage of this. :) Les just remembered this about me the other day and had some fun of his own with it!

So there you have it. One hundred things about me that maybe you knew and maybe you didn't.

In honour of this 1000th post milestone, I would love it if you could leave me a comment telling me something that you just learned about me from this post. AND...something that you already knew about me that didn't make this list.

And thanks for hanging with me for 1000 posts. There's plenty more to come, I promise you that!

1000 gifts: #201 - 211

2011-11-21T09:35:00.004-06:00

[201] a new perspective

[202] persistence and bravery, which results in a gapped-smile such as this one

[203] the generous big sister who voluntarily donates part of her own money to add to the 'tooth fairy's' deposit under the little sister's pillow

[204] the belief in the one true God and resting in His unfailing arms when the future is uncertain

[205] discovering comfort in a new way {happy sigh}

[206] spontaneous, rousing games of tag in the snowy darkness around the block with the kiddos

[207] the stirring of the Holy Spirit

[208] quiet lunches at home by myself

[209] those who take the time to knock down my highly-built walls

[210] finding him...and this perfect t-shirt!

[211] 999 blog posts !!!

" Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns; I am thankful that thorns have roses."
~ Unkown

silly little miss malia

2011-11-19T08:00:00.000-06:00

"Mom," she said with an innocent smile. "Kiss me on the lips okay?"

"Why?" I asked.

"So I can do this!" she replied as she bends her one leg at the knee, pointing her foot in the air.

(After which she explained the entire plot of The Parent Trap movie just to get to the part where the woman raises her leg like that during a kiss.)

forgotten foto friday

2011-11-18T12:26:00.006-06:00

Tammi has started a new blog-thing: Forgotten Photo Friday. Where you take a look back at some pictures that you forgot about on your camera or computer and share the memories with the rest of us!

My first "Forgotten Photo Friday" post is dedicated to sleeping. When I check on my sleeping angels every night before I head to bed, I just never know what I'm going to find...

In this photo above, Malia is sporting her "Dolly Parton" look - she often will take a stuffed animal and shove it under her PJ shirt. Not quite sure why!

Have you looked through your pictures recently to discover some hidden gems? Go take a peek - you'll probably make yourself smile over some really good ones!

finding contentment

2011-11-18T11:38:00.002-06:00

The other day I took my girls to the mall to help me start some Christmas shopping for their teachers and a few cousins. The constant whining and begging for things they saw on the shelves was enough to make me want to scream.

Even in the Bath & Body Works store where you'd think it wouldn't be a big deal for kids - well, it was!

I gave them several sentence-lectures on how this wasn't about them. How not only will other people be shopping for them for Christmas like we are for others - but that they have so many things at home that they don't actually even need anything else. I asked them: How many toys do you have that you don't even play with? How many books do you have that you never even read? How many movies do you have that you don't watch? How many clothes do you have in your closet that you never even wear????

Their need for greed was really making me frustrated.

And then I stopped to think about where they were getting this from. Sure, they get it from TV and the 'outside world' in general. But who do they model after the most?

Their parents. And being girls, probably particularly their mother. Umm...yeah, that would be me.

The same things I was lecturing them about could've - and should've - been directed at me as well. How often do I grab something off of the shelves at a store while walking by because, quite simply, I just want it? It might not necessarily be a big item, but an un-needed item at any cost is being greedy isn't it?

I'm not saying that we can't ever allow ourselves luxuries - small things that make us happy just because. But for myself, if I'm going to teach & lecture my girls about being content with what they have...shouldn't I be taking my own advice?

This lesson comes at a very convenient time for me right now. I just discovered yesterday that my casual-time job is being turned into a full-time position. As that is just not an option for our family at this point in time, it means that in 8 weeks I will be out of work. And while my hours may only have been around 15 hours per week, it all adds up. I have never NOT brought in an income to help out our family.

But now - with limited part-time options that will work with my girls' schedules and the important need to be home with them before and after school - that record just might get broken.

And if that happens, the way we spend money around here is going to have to change. But regardless of whether or not a new way of earning income comes my way, I still want to make changes. Sure, it was nice to have the luxury to buy extra things just because we wanted to. But how frivolous is it okay to be?

I want to start taking a closer look around me at the things I own and how necessary it all really is. One of my weaknesses - as you all know - are purses. And that's the one thing that popped into my head as I was lecturing my daughters the other day about having way more than what they need. Oh Andrea...is it really necessary for you to own 8 purses? Do you always need a different colored accessory on your arm to go with any outfit? Or wouldn't a couple of neutral colored ones be enough?

If you are on the local Buy & Sell page on Facebook, you may have noticed that I listed 4 of my beautiful, very-loved purses just this morning. I hope they sell soon so I can use the money that I make from them on things that really matter. Things that are necessities for my family, not just frivolous luxuries for myself.

The purses are just one example, but I really do want to put this new thinking to good use in every aspect of my life. Just a couple of weeks ago I purchased Jillian Michaels' new work-out DVD, for example. Yes, I could argue that I do (and will continue to) put it to good use and it will benefit my health. But what about the other half-dozen Jillian Michaels' videos that I also own? Couldn't 3 or 4 of her videos be enough?

I'm just thinking out loud here (or via the keyboard, anyway) but I think you get my drift. I want to start walking the walk instead of just talking the talk. Afterall, how do I expect my 6 and 8 year olds to live out what I am preaching if I don't live it out myself?

I am yearning to find contentment on a much simpler scale than how I have currently been living.

1000 gifts: #186 - 200

2011-11-14T13:54:00.003-06:00

[186] seeing my husband for 5 days in a row!

[187] watching my sweet sister-in-law get married

[188] my girls all dressed up

[189] a much-needed (and very well-timed) day off from school to recuperate from the weekend's festivities

[190] melting snow

[191] encouraging conversations

[192] beauty from ashes

[193] hugs, hugs...and more hugs

[194] servant hearts

[195] my girls breaking out their song-and-dance moves to re-discovered Christmas tunes

[196] clean sheets

[197] fresh potatoes finally being dug out from the garden

[198] perserverance

[199] God's timing ~ even when it might not make any sense to us

[200] a very special 10 year wedding anniversary gift from a very special man

"Count your blessings instead of your crosses; Count your gains instead of your losses. Count your joys instead of your woes; Count your friends instead of your foes."
~ Unknown

till my puzzler is sore

2011-11-09T20:06:00.003-06:00

A couple of weeks ago, Joelle and a friend started a 'new' 500 piece puzzle that we had recently acquired. Together with mine and Les' help, we got a decent portion finished that morning and it's been laid out on my kitchen table ever since.

Just waiting to get completed.

I've tinkered around with it here and there in the last several days, but the problem is that the lower portion of the puzzle is just so darned tricky.

All of those pinks and purples blend into each other so smoothly - it's next to impossible to figure out which pieces go where.

There have been times where I'm tempted to just clean it up and get it off of my table. "I'll never finish it," I think to myself. "It's just too hard."

The thing about working on something that's so difficult though is that when you do find victory - even if it's just a small dose - it's worth so much.

Every time I find just one matching piece - after sitting there puzzling for half an hour - I seriously start doing a little jig at the table and I get so excited. It's so rewarding to know that I didn't give up. I kept plugging away at it and I had success! Whereas if I'm doing one of the girls' 50 piece puzzles that are "easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy"...well, it's no big deal when I interlock the pieces with each other.

When you come to a challenge in your life, how do you deal with it? Do you just sweep it under the rug because it's too hard? Or do you take the time and effort to really work at (or through) it? If we just concentrate on the 'easy' parts of life, we don't get a lot of personal reward or satisfaction from that.

But if we work at the difficult things in our lives, once we reach any point of success - no matter how small - the feeling that goes along with it is irreplacable.

Do you have any so-called 500 piece puzzles with a ridiculously difficult landscape to put together? What are you going to do with it?

As for me: I'm leaving it out on my kitchen table until it's finished. No matter how long it takes.

(**Puzzles really seem to give me a lot of inspiration. Click here for another post on puzzles that is actually one of my favorite blog posts of all time**)

1000 gifts: #175 - 185

2011-11-07T11:49:00.004-06:00

[175] a fresh start

[176] excited children this morning (thanks to that 'fresh start')

[177] switching things up in the morning

[178] a Friday night dinner for 4

[179] a Saturday night girl's night

[180] scoring a great deal

[181] the reunion with Christmas music

[182] a positive perspective

[183] excitement and anticipation for a family wedding this weekend

[184] a warm embrace

[185] spending time in God's word

meal of the week: #10 (family favourite)

2011-11-04T15:19:00.005-05:00

The recipe I am about to share with you is one of our family's most favourite meals. I don't make it very often, as I find it to be a bit time consuming (I prefer to wait till my Mom makes it for us...hee hee).

Nevertheless - here is the recipe for my Beef Enchiladas and Fried Rice.

1) Fry up your ground beef. Add chili powder and pepper (and onions if you're more 'normal')

2) Mix the sauce in a separate bowl. Two tins of tomato soup combined with equal parts milk. Add more chili powder.

3) Fry the tortillas. You need to use corn tortillas for this, not flour tortillas (I use 18 tortillas for a 9x13 pan).

4) Put it all together!

This can be done two different ways. I used to roll them, but now I usually just layer them. If you are rolling them, just put a scoop of hamburger meat on each tortilla (and even a sprinkle of cheese if you'd like!), roll them up and place them on the pan. Cover with the tomato sauce and top with cheese.

If you do the layering action, spread tortillas out on the pan for the bottom layer. Sprinkle on some meat, a bit of cheese and some sauce so it looks like this:

4) cont'd: Do another layer the same - tortillas, the remainder of the meat, cheese and sauce. For the 3rd layer place the remainder of the tortillas on top, use the rest of the sauce (save the majority of the sauce for this top layer) and top with cheese. Lots and lots of cheese. :)

5) Bake at 350*F for 30 minutes. I often end off by broiling it for a minute or two to get a bit of a crispier cheesy top. Yumm!!

For the Fried Rice:

1) Add a bit of oil to your frying pan and stir in the uncooked rice. Add onion powder (or real onions...again, like more 'normal' people!), pepper, Chicken OXO (or Knorr), and just recently I have begun adding Paprika as well for an extra zip (and quite a bit of it too).

2) Once fried, just cook the rice as you normally would: Add the rice to the pot of water and margarine and bring to a boil.

Serve together with refried beans and/or a caesar or tossed salad. The rice should have enough flavour to be eaten as is, but if you used 2 tins of tomato soup for your enchilada sauce, there should also be enough of the sauce in the pan to pour over your rice too.

finding God through the fog

2011-11-02T11:10:00.002-05:00

One morning last week I had to drive on the highway through some of the worst fog on my way to work. Let me start off describing it by saying that I am by no means a paranoid driver. I have driven in a lot of terrible conditions with icy roads and blowing snow - BUT this particular morning of quiet fog made me feel quite stressed and I lost my usual confidence.

The thick walls of fog were closing in on me. I felt trapped; I felt unsure. It was all very unsettling for me as I even debated about turning around and going home.

And then a vehicle passed beside me and went ahead and started leading me through the uncertainty and suddenly it was easier to keep going. My confidence in the situation grew (although my caution remained the same) as I followed this beacon of hope through my otherwise clouded view.

And I breathed a sigh of relief.

God is our leader through life's fog. The walls of life might be closing in on us; feelings of helplessness might be consuming us. Our vision might be clouded and we might feel so uncertain about the path ahead.

But He knows the path. And - unlike the car ahead of me who eventually got lost amidst the fog and left me on my own once again - He will never leave us or forsake us.

He is our constant beacon of hope; our refuge in times of trouble and uncertainty. He doesn't promise that the road will always be clear and sunny ~ but He does promise that He will always guide us through any and every circumstance.

And that's a promise that I will cling to each and every day, as I try to muddle my way through life's fog.

halloween 2011

2011-10-31T20:57:00.004-05:00

This year for Halloween I didn't have the energy for implementing any of my usual 'rules' for the kids who come trick-or-treating at my house. I just wanted to be relaxed and casual...besides, with the amount of kids who came a-knocking (hovering right around THREE HUNDRED!!), it didn't leave much time for questioning costumes and enforcing that every single child say "trick or treat" and things like that.

But I obviously taught my daughters well. When the girls were back from their own trek around the neighborhood to help me hand out candy to the later-comers, I had to laugh at Joelle. The first people who came to the door hadn't said "Trick or treat!" yet. So Joelle just stood there at the opened door, candy in hand, looking at them. After a quiet moment, I piped up and said "Uh...she's waiting to hear something from you," which was then followed by the dutiful quote. Atta girl, Joelle! Make them work for it! :)

This year my girls once again had two costumes - a lighter one that worked well for being at school all day, and a warmer one for the evening festivities. Turned out this year wasn't nearly as cold as it often is, but it was still nice for them to be kept warm and cozy in their costumes for their outdoor venture.

And me? Well, I was a Rockstar, of course!

Another Halloween has come and gone...but the candy will be around for a l-o-n-g time!!

1000 gifts: #163 - 174

2011-10-31T11:50:00.004-05:00

[163] eating out at restaurants all weekend - might not have been good for my waistline, but it was a weekend where I didn't have to cook!

[164] volunteering in my daughter's grade 1 class and meeting some of her new friends

[165] a classic hairstyle that my girls were thrilled with

[166] co-ordinating purses with my outfits :)

[167] making a meal that the entire family loves - with cleared plates to prove it!

[168] having my opinion heard

[169] finding beautiful things at thrift stores

[170] a puzzle in progress

[171] stain remover that actually does its job

[172] growing confidence - and excitement - with reading

[173] scarves

[174] the reminder of God's constant presence

"The unthankful heart... discovers no mercies; but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings!"
~ Henry Ward Beeche

trash the dress

2011-10-26T14:00:00.000-05:00

In honour of our 10 year wedding anniversary this fall, I managed to talk Les into doing a special photo shoot with me to commemorate the grand occasion! He was a great sport while I made arrangements with a friend of mine to meet us at a nearby beach for some amazing shots of us ~ with me in my wedding dress!

For those of you who are leery at actually 'trashing' your dress - don't be! It's really not as bad as it sounds. Yes, my dress got soaking wet and full of sand - but a quick cycle through the wash and it came out as good as new! So if you've been considering it, let me be the one to push you over the edge to just do it! You'll get to feel like a princess again, you'll have a great time and you'll have some incredible memories!

hello monday (1000 gifts: #154 - 162)

2011-10-24T09:43:00.005-05:00

[154] Hello Monday...the gift of a new week; the chance to start fresh

[155] Hello beautiful sunrise...

[156] Hello weary body with lack of sleep (due to caffeine over-load)...the ability to make my own choices

[157] Hello grocery list and the promise of re-stocked pantry, fridge and freezer...

[158] Hello clean kitchen counters...

[159] Hello laundry...the blessing of having no shortage of clothes

[160] Hello anticipation of a good afternoon work-out...

[161] Hello to supper plans that don't include me cooking...

[162] Hello chance to make this day whatever I choose to make it...

"Gratitude takes three forms: a feeling in the heart, an expression in words, and a giving in return."
~ John Wanamaker

Q&A ~ Part II

2011-10-21T16:05:00.004-05:00

The next batch of questions (taken from my 950th post) all relate to the same topic: How I deal with being a single-parent during the week and how to balance things on the weekends - i.e. time for myself, time for Les to do his own thing, etc. Rather than answer each question individually - since they all sort of go together - I'll just post all of the questions and do a bulk answer at the end.

Rhonda asked: How in the world do you survive without a husband all week long? Doesn't that make you always feel like you deserve a break when he gets back? How do you keep resentment out of the equation, and allow him his own time?

Amanda asked: How do you survive your weeks without your husband? How do you keep your sanity?

Jen asked: What is the most surprising thing you have learned about yourself when having to "single parent it" alone during the week? And just like Rhonda asked...upon the return of your DH, how in the world DO you keep resentment out of the equation and allow him his own time??? (okay that's 2 but I need to know!!)

First of all, I have to start off by saying that I'm not a saint. I do struggle with the fact that my husband is away for so much of the time. A lot of the time I struggle with it silently and just try to put my energy into surviving it. But I do think that I do a very good job with handling it and making sure we get a good balance of everything over the weekends.

One of the things I remind myself of is that this is harder for Les than it is for me. Yes, I may be home with the kids all week long by myself, but he's without the kids (and me) all week long. He works 12-13 hours a day, picks up take-out every night and sits alone in his hotel room for a couple of hours before going to bed and waking up early the next morning to do it all over again. No friends. No home-cooked meals. No company of any kind. No exceptions.

Me, on the other hand...I can still socialize during the week. Nothing's stopping me from having a friend over in the evening. Or taking my kids to my parents' place for supper and the evening. Or even paying a sitter so I can go out and do something. Plus, now with both of my kids in school full-time and me only working 2 days a week - I have plenty of time without the kids where I can do what I want in peace & quiet...shopping, 'coffee' with a friend, or just reading a book at home (which I have yet to do - but I could if I wanted to).

It's still hard for me...parenting them alone for 5 days a week, making meals for just me and 2 kids (that's H-A-R-D), spending most of my evenings sitting on the couch by myself. That's by choice though, the alone part in the evenings. I have plenty of friends closeby that I could phone and ask to come over if I really wanted to. But I get used to the quiet and find it hard to actually reach out. Especially if it's been a rough afternoon/evening with the girls - I just want to crash after they go to bed. But at least I have options during the day and early evenings if I want to get out and do something.

Things would be different if I had a baby or even a toddler to deal with. But with school-aged children it's easier in some ways. Harder in some ways though too, when they keep asking "When is Daddy coming home?" and "Why does he have to be gone all the time?" Those are hard times.

When it comes to weekends, it has been said to me numerous times that people are impressed when I 'allow' Les to go out with friends and do things out of the house and I'm 'stuck' at home yet again with the kids. Again, I need to remind myself that during the week he gets no interaction with friends. He's all by himself. And as much as he needs to spend time with his family when he's home - he also needs time to nurture his friendships. Like I said - I get chances during the week to get together with friends; he doesn't. Typically he tries to only go out shortly before the kids go to bed so he's not missing out on a lot of time with them, but sometimes he's gone more - like last weekend when he went hunting.

The thing that helps though is that when he's home - he's really home. He's present. He spends time with his kids - jumping on the trampoline, playing Wii with them, going on bike rides (and in the winter playing with them out in the snow, etc.).

Another part of it, to be honest, is that to go from him being gone all week to having him home all weekend can be a bit of an adjustment. It might sound bad, but sometimes on the weekend I'm just not used to constant company, so having him head out for a couple of hours one evening isn't always a bad thing. He is also very good with encouraging me to go out on weekends too. We just have to sort of co-ordinate it. For example, in one weekend he wouldn't go out one night and me the next...at least not typically. It is important for just the two of us to spend time together too. Last weekend he was hunting and this weekend I'm going out on Saturday evening. Next weekend we have a family outing with just my parents and siblings - no kids - so that's a way for us to spend time together but without the kids.

It's all about compromise. I need to understand the need for him to get out and socialize with his friends, and at the same time, he realizes the importance for me to get my own escape on the weekends. With both of us willing to compromise with the other - it's been working for us.

That's not to say that it's by any means an ideal situation. But over the last 3 years we have been learning how to make it work as best as we can.

Next up: My fears - specifically my fear of flying. Great questions everybody! Stay tuned for more of the answers...

the simple truth

2011-10-21T07:00:00.000-05:00

mojo

2011-10-20T06:00:00.000-05:00

I haven't lost my blogging mojo - really, I haven't! In fact, I have a l-o-n-g list of things I want to post about. The problem is that I don't have enough time to!

And the reason for that? I've been majorly cutting down on my computer time. For reals this time, peeps!

I still turn it on first thing in the morning - just to check the weather forecast for the day and to make sure there aren't any messages waiting for me that need prompt responding to or ones that I have been waiting for a certain reply on. And I certainly use it off-and-on throughout the days where I am at home while the girls are in school - but even then I try to limit it more to things that need to be done rather than just silly time-wasters (although who am I kidding - I can still cut back on that!).

But the biggest thing that has changed is that I am not on the computer from the time my girls come home from school at 4pm until they go to bed around 8:30pm. And I mean the laptop is actually closed and shut down for that entire time (with very few exceptions).

And it's proved to be such a positive experience for all of us in this house. First and foremost, my children aren't seeing me constantly going back and forth to the computer. Since it's situated on my desk which is centrally located on the main floor - right smack dab in the middle of the kitchen, living room and dining room - and it was always open for convenience sake, I would always check it while walking by. Or anytime I'd see a red notification on Facebook, I just couldn't resist clicking on it to see who/what it was.

I may not have sat down for more than a minute or so per time - but if you do that 50 times over the course of just a couple of hours...

It was getting bad enough that I would sometimes - and this was very rare, but still - get up while in the middle of eating dinner to check what new thing had popped up on my screen (*hangs head in shame*). My kids were first-hand witnesses to my computer being the most important thing to me.

So sad.

But no more, I am proud to say! Things have changed and I don't want to go back. And not only because of what my girls no longer see me doing. But because of the things I can get done in its place! Oh, the things you can accomplish in 4.5 hours when you're not constantly distracted by the computer every few minutes.

I am making better meals for my kids, my kitchen is a lot tidier now on a regular basis, my whole house feels more in control. I have more time to help Joelle while she's having a problem with a new piano piece or spend more time reading books with Malia. I can play guitar and sing with my kids. We can play a game together. I can talk on the phone for 20 minutes without being tempted to see who just instant-messaged me on the screen.

And one more benefit - my kids are watching less TV. How does this connect? Before it was so much simpler for me just to shoo them downstairs to watch TV or play Wii because I was busy doing something on the computer. Now I have more time - and focus - to either do something together with them or suggest other things for them to do. It's easier to get them to do something screen-free if I'm not constantly staring at a screen.

It's about walking the walk.

And I'd even venture to say that their attitudes and behaviour have been improving over the last couple of weeks. Oh, I still have tantrums to deal with and fighting & bickering - that there will always be. Yet there seems to be a bit more respect coming from them...I think they sense that my priorities have shifted and they are finally getting more of me. The way they deserve.

So please be patient with me if my posts are fewer & farther between. If you'll continue to bear with me, you'll eventually get to read about the girls' summer trip to the dentist, get a yummy recipe to one of our family's favorite meals, discover my newest favorite thing, see pictures from my Trash the Dress photo-shoot (for those who haven't seen them on Facebook yet that is), and even read about some more personal nitty-gritty emotional things I've been working on/through.

No, I haven't lost my blogging mojo. I've gained something even better though.

matthew 7:13-14

2011-10-19T13:43:00.008-05:00

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.

But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."

it's coming...like it or not

2011-10-17T13:14:00.010-05:00

Ten signs winter is a-coming:

1. cracked, dry hands

2. wearing socks in the house

3. the calendar will switch to November in 2 short weeks

4. the heavy clouds lingering in the sky

5. the geese - oh, the geese!

6. dark, cold mornings when you get out of bed

7. finger mittens are becoming a necessity for waiting at the bus stop in the mornings

8. the slow start of Christmas lights being turned on

9. Christmas gatherings & parties are starting to get booked

10. the pictures says it all:

*****************************************

I know a lot of you will read this post and think "Ack! Don't talk about winter yet! I don't want to hear it!"

Well guess what? Living in denial about it doesn't actually prevent it from happening. Winter comes every year, no matter how much you wish it didn't. You may not enjoy it (goodness knows I sure don't!) but you can learn to accept it.

I'm not one of those who continues to wear sandals inspite of my toes feeling frozen. Or one who refuses to turn the furnace on in the house no matter how many layers of clothes I have to put on to keep warm.

It is what it is.

Acceptance doesn't mean defeat. Sometimes acceptance is the highest form of strength. I know this to be true in other areas of life - and I think it can apply to the changing seasons too.

1000 gifts: #142 - 153

2011-10-17T10:39:00.003-05:00

[142] God's promises

[143] having my husband sleeping next to me

[144] another turkey dinner - one week after Thanksgiving

[145] spoken (or texted) words of love and affirmation

[146] a foot massage

[147] erasing some TV series off of my PVR - and not missing them

[148] starting to feel more comfortable in a group setting

[149] not holding back

[150] laundry all folded - and put away

[151] a house full of company

[152] fresh, clean towels

[153] the un-explored path laid out in front of me

Q&A ~ Part I

2011-10-13T20:00:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I am finally getting around to answering the questions that were asked of me in my 950th post blog give-away. Thanks for all of those who participated - they are all great questions!

The first batch of questions that I am answering have to do with moving.

Pam asked: Do you think you'll ever move back to the 'city?'

My answer in a nutshell - no. But I'll give you more than that. :)

I grew up living in the country. We lived on a 3 acre yard outside of a small town from before I started kindergarten until I finished Grade 9. After that we moved right on the edge of a different small town (about 10-15 minutes away); the town where I had always gone to school - and the town I currently live in. It was a 'smaller' yard, but still about 1 1/2 acres. My parents did eventually move to 'the city' (25 minutes away from said town) once we were all finished school and were out of the house, and I spent about 10 years experiencing city living myself at that point.

Sure, the conveniences of the city are great. But I can think of no better place to raise my children. I love it that I'm not in the middle of nowhere - I have neighbours! Yet my backyard view is of a farmer's field, so it still feels country-ish. It's a perfect combination. And I know crime can happen anywhere, but it does feel safer. And the sense of community is really quite astounding out here.

The next two questions directly tie together...

Samantha asked: Your list of things to do says you want to move. Would that be to a different house in town, or somewhere completely different?

Pamela asked: Why would you want to move? It always sounds like you live on the most amazing street with cute street lights and great neighbours and I was surprised to see moving on your 101 list.

As far as I'm concerned (and Les and I don't 100% agree on this), I have no plans to leave the town that we live in. I couldn't even imagine it. It's not perfect, but I do love it here. So to answer Samantha's question - it would just be to a different house here in town (And if you're wondering what Les' take is on this - he would prefer to move in the middle of nowhere on an acreage. But I still want *some* conveniences...and neighbors!).

And for Pamela's portion of the question...the only reason I would want to move out of this house - and off of my wonderful street - is because the house itself isn't really the way I want it. I want a bungalow (or a bi-level) and I want it to be more suited to our family. When we built this house with the developer, we didn't have a whole lot of freedom in the choices. My dream would be to custom-build a home that really suited us - especially including a bigger kitchen...and perhaps even main floor laundry!!! But even if we would one day find an already-built home that was more to my liking, that would work too. A bigger yard (at least slightly) is something we also have our sights set on - especially for when we eventually get a dog.

But we have no immediate plans for any of this and are just enjoying being surrounded by our wonderful neighbours, including lots of friends for my girls to play with!

Next up: Questions about my Monday-Friday single-parenting. Stay tuned!

1000 gifts: #128 - 141

2011-10-11T21:26:00.005-05:00

I may be a day late, but that's not going to stop me from posting this week's list of wonderful blessings - especially given the fact that we just celebrated (Canadian) Thanksgiving this weekend!

[128] real, from-the-gut laughter

[129] witnessing some of our best friends saying their wedding vows

[130] watching the girls dance their little hearts out at said wedding

[131] watching great improvements in Little Miss Malia's reading - you go, girl!

[132] long weekends

[133] foot massages

[134] food a-plenty

[135] having help cleaning my windows...and resisting the urge to do it over again myself

[136] crossing things off of my to-do list

[137] going against the grain

[138] the soreness from a good, solid Jillian Michaels work-out ~ OUCH!!

[139] cheering on a friend

[140] the beauty of a full moon

[141] my gorgeous and wonderful family

“We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.”
~ Cynthia Ozick

the gift

2011-10-07T07:00:00.001-05:00

I think it's safe to say that all of you have been aware things haven't been so light & fluffy around here lately. And it's not just here on the blog - it's like that in real life too. There haven't been very many times in the past quite awhile where I have felt real joy.

And I think that's very sad.

However...yesterday was different. I felt truly happy for the first time in I don't know how long! I hadn't realized how much I had missed laughing. Or even just smiling - real, genuine smiles.

God sent a blessing to me yesterday straight from Heaven. He smiled on me and reached down to remind me that joy still really does exist. And I grabbed on to that gift.

And I laughed. Really laughed.

And I smiled so big and so long that my cheeks were sore. And I wanted to shout it from the rooftops.

I felt happy. And less lonely than I have felt in a very long time. I felt hopeful. I felt alive. I felt needed.

I felt wonderful.

And it was all because of a random visit to someone's house to buy something I saw online - who was supposed to be a stranger - and ended up being a friend from long ago. Right in my very own town!! You could almost hear the 'click'. The one that was there all those years ago when we used to know each other.

God knew what I was needing at this point in my life. And He provided. Just like He provided for me already a few months ago with another re-connection with a friend from my past. And these aren't just acquaintance re-connections.

They're the friendships that you might go a long time without seeing each other - but when you do? You pick up right where you left off. No awkward silences - just constant chit-chat as you catch up with each other. Where you can relax and completely be yourself. The ones that make you wonder why you don't spend more time with each other 'cause it just fits.

God has also given me the gift of new connections too. Ones that were even initiated by the other party. For someone with the insecurities that I struggle with, that's a huge thing. To be sought out; to feel liked without obligation. He is showing me that I deserve to be surrounded by the kind of people who love me and want to spend time with me; that the ones who seem to not want to give me the time of day aren't worth my time or my frustration.

These are gifts that I treasure - friendship, love and laughter.

cake creations

2011-10-04T20:43:00.002-05:00

With my girls both celebrating birthdays within the last couple of weeks, I had promised I would share pictures of their cakes (for those of you not on Facebook who haven't already seen the pictures).

This year Joelle didn't want any sort of theme or special shaped cake. Just a regular round carrot cake with pink & white icing. I did try to spruce it up a tad more with the skittles and sprinkles...but to be honest, I was disappointed that she didn't want something more elaborate. Yes, this was less time-consuming, but I've always had fun creating something fun on their birthdays.

However, Joelle did say that this was the best cake I have ever made her - so I suppose that's all that counts!

Malia on the other hand, was not about to go easy on me! She had all sorts of ideas for her cake - from a beaver to a kangaroo...and I can't even remember all of the other suggestions. In the end, she (thankfully) settled on a bunny cake - and I had such a blast making it! It really was quite simple, yet turned out so great - I couldn't have been happier with it.

(The carrot on the side was a fun little touch, I thought!)

And there you have it - another year of birthdays, another duo of cakes. Who knows what next year will bring...all I know is that it won't be no Justin Bieber cake (like the guy at the bowling alley for Malia's party said he sees a lot of these days...he really liked it that I had done my own home-made cake).

1000 gifts: #112 - 127

2011-10-03T20:25:00.003-05:00

You may have noticed that last week I did not do a "1000 Gifts" post. I'm ashamed to say that the reason behind that was that I wasn't feeling particularly grateful. But really, there is no better time than that to sit down and reflect on the gifts we have. And when we do that, we will have no other option but to feel over-the-top grateful. So I'm back this week with a wonderful list.

[112] sleeping in on a Monday

[113] celebrating both my sweet girls' birthdays (cake pictures still to come)

[114] getting the girls their first pairs of Ugg Boots - and on sale from $19 down to $8

[115] swept floors

[116] six hours of having the laptop turned off (I must do that more often!)

[117] homemade soup & biscuits for supper

[118] having the girls dub said soup as "the best soup EVER"

[119] fun patterned aprons

[120] the engagement news of my beautiful and wonderful sister-in-law who can't stop grinning

[121] watching (and being a part of) a church family come together in support of friends

[122] awesomely decorated apple pie (not made by me, just to clarify)

[123] fort-building

[124] hearing the sounds of children playing & laughing outside through my open windows

[125] knowing I am not alone

[126] laughing along to my favorite comedy TV shows to help lift my spirits

[127] being able to help an elderly couple on our street in need

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. "
~ Melody Beattie

living between the spaces

2011-10-02T07:00:00.000-05:00

I seem to be living between the spaces these days.

Spending night after night by myself and feeling so lonely...yet at the same time cherishing the solitude.

When I am actually in the presence of others and enjoying being sociable for a change...yet at the same time continually looking at the clock wondering how soon I can leave without being impolite.

Getting excited about hosting a group of people - to give me a sense of purpose...yet at the same time wondering what on earth was I thinking and how will I handle it?!

Wanting people to call or email just to ask how I'm doing - and being disappointed when they don't...yet when they do, not wanting to really give an honest answer.

When everything feels awkward and uncomfortable - either awkward silence when I don't know what to say (or where to look)...or when I get so chit-chatty trying to direct the conversation anywhere and everywhere else other than getting down to what's really going on with me.

Wanting so desperately for everyone to like me...yet building up walls so high they're almost impossible to break down.

Lacking all motivation...yet wanting nothing more than improvements.

Having so very much to blog about...yet keeping most of it to myself.

Wanting to keep this post in my 'drafts'...yet wanting to click the 'publish post' button.

(I don't mean to alarm any of you with all of my downer posts as of late. It's therapeutic for me to get this stuff down in writing. Don't worry about me [too much, anyway], but don't hesitate to send up a prayer or two either. I have a feeling it's going to be a rough fall/winter for me this year. But I promise to get a good, positive post in here soon. Besides - I have all of those questions from my blog contest to get to! I'll be working on some of those next, so stay tuned. One of these days, you won't be leaving my blog page feeling bummed out - I promise!)

the missing piece

2011-10-01T06:00:00.001-05:00

Some people, after having their first child, say they cannot imagine loving a second child as much as their precious firstborn.

And while it's true that Joelle holds a special place in my heart for being the one who made me a Mommy for the first time ~ Malia holds a special place in my heart for being the one who made our family complete. And my love for her is second to none.

Without her, we would not be whole. We would have an empty void; a dull ache.

She was the missing piece and because of her we are complete. And I love this child with a fierce abandon.

Happy 6th Birthday to my oh-so-sweet Little Miss Malia.

tiny trees and pea pods

2011-09-28T09:16:00.004-05:00

I have friends. Friends who have started up their own businesses. Businesses that I like to promote to help support them.

And how handy when two friends with businesses get together for a special combo deal! Like my friends Pam at Tiny TreeHugger and Kristin at Jolie Handmade Jewellery. You may remember Kristen from my 950th post give-away I did in the summer.

Anyway, so how are they teaming up? Kristin is making these adorable pea pod necklaces - representing the children in your family - and they are exclusive to Tiny TreeHugger. And...as a special kick-off to this new team venture, for a very limited time, you can save $6 on your necklace! This special offer expires at 11:59pm on Friday September 30th so don't delay! (Just use 'jolie' as the coupon discount code)

These make great gifts as well, so nudge the hubby (or just buy one for yourself like I immediately did!), or start thinking of a Mother you know that could be blessed with a beautiful necklace like these!

Head on over here to place your order!

(ps: Kristin is still waiting for her Facebook page to hit 100 likes so she can do a give-away)

peace & quiet

2011-09-27T20:29:00.004-05:00

Well, I've got the 'quiet' part down pat - as you've been able to tell from the lack of posts around here lately. But the 'peace' part?

Not so much.

I don't have peace about a friendship that seems to be rapidly dwindling - and I'm not quite sure how it started happening and how to stop it from continuing.

I don't have peace about my current work situation.

I don't have peace about a few different family situations.

I don't have peace about someone not accepting a friend request on Facebook - which sounds petty, I know...but it bothers me nonetheless.

I don't have peace about my spiritual walk with God (not that I'm struggling with my faith - just with how to have a closer walk with God...).

I don't have peace.

2922 days

2011-09-20T06:00:00.000-05:00

Then:

Now:

The past 2922 days of my life have been so wonderful because of YOU in it, my sweet Joelle.

Happy 8th Birthday to my beautiful daughter!! I love you so much!!

1000 gifts: #101 - 111

2011-09-19T08:48:00.003-05:00

[101] unexpected pleasant surprises

[102] clean bedrooms

[103] a successful sleep-over birthday party

[104] answers to prayer

[105] a special anniversary photo shoot at the beach (pictures to come within the next 3 weeks sometime)

[106] no rain for the above photo shoot (even though the cool weather was less than ideal...we made it work!)

[107] lists

[108] the anticipation of getting out of the house tonight

[109] my guitar and how it makes me feel when I'm playing it

[110] 25 cupcakes all decorated and ready to go for school tomorrow for a certain birthday girl...

[111] ...and the anticipation of the expression on my just-about-8-year-old's face when she comes home from school and sees them

"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it."
~William Arthur Ward

writing on the wall napkin

2011-09-16T22:40:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I was at the mall for lunch with a non-Christian friend/co-worker of mine on our lunch break. When I got my food before her, I motioned to her that I was going to find us a spot.

So I walked through a bunch of tables until I found the spot I wanted. It was a cozy spot situated between two fake tall plants. So I sat down and waited for my friend to join me. I had noticed a napkin with writing on it laying on the bench close beside me, but I didn't pay it any attention.

About half-way through our lunch, my friend noticed the napkin and asked me what it said. I looked at it and smiled as I read her the message:

"Jesus is life. The rest is just details."

I was wondering what her reaction would be. She looked surprised, then a bit pensive and then she slowly smiled. "Huh. Interesting," she said. "I believe in signs like that."

The conversation didn't go much further than that, but I know it gave her some food-for-thought.

And I was left wondering about the person who left that note-on-a-napkin. If he or she would ever know that the person who found it really needed to hear those words.

As we left the mall to head back to the office, I looked back one more time at the napkin and wondered who the next person would be to find it and read it. And hoped that it would plant a seed in one more person...and another...and another, before getting thrown away.

God can use anyone and anything to spread His message. Even a napkin.

i've got the music in me

2011-09-14T21:08:00.006-05:00

Lately - in the midst of my 'funky' life - I have really started to realize why I surround myself with the type of music that I do. Probably 95% of the music I listen to is Christian music. Unfortunately I can't get reception to our local Christian radio channel at work (for whatever reason), so for 5 hours twice a week I listen to secular music.

And don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that secular music is bad (at least not all of it). There are lots of catchy tunes out there and a lot of songs are ones I can relate to. I'm not bad-mouthing secular music.

But I am happy that for the majority of the time, I choose to surround myself with the positive lyrics of my faith. And now more than ever, I am seeing the benefits to that.

Today while out-and-about in the city running errands and doing grocery shopping, everytime I was in my van driving to my next location I would hear song-after-song that just spoke straight to my heart. In my deepest time of need.

And as I would sing along to these heart-felt lyrics, I would cry. Tears of sorrow for the hard time I am going through...tears of joy for the knowledge that in Christ I am made whole...tears of gratitude for the encouragement that comes from listening to these songs.

I have a handful of songs I'd love to share with you - but for right now, I'll just share this one. I've only heard this song a few times so far, but it has quickly become one of my favorites. It's called "Do Everything" by Steven Curtis Chapman. For those of you who don't like to take the time to play through a music video due to slow computer connections, the lyrics are written below the video. I encourage you to read through them and hopefully you will be encouraged the same way I have been through this song.

Steven Curtis Chapman - Do Everything

You’re picking up toys on the living room floor
for the 15th time today
Matching up socks and sweeping up lost
Cheerios that got away
You put a baby on your hip and color on your lips
and head out the door
And while I may not know you I bet I know you
Wonder sometimes does it matter at all
Well let me remind you it all matters just as long as you

Do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you
Cause He made you to do
Every little thing that you do to bring a smile to His face
And tell the story of grace
With every move that you make
And every little thing you do

OOoh ooooh oooooh

Maybe you’re that guy with the suit and tie
Maybe your shirt says your name
You may be hooking up mergers, cooking up burgers
But at the end of the day

Little stuff big stuff in between stuff
God sees it all the same
And while I may not know you I bet I know you
Wonder sometimes does it matter at all
Well let me remind you it all matters just as long as you do

Everything you do to the glory of the One who made you
Cause He made you
To do every little thing that you do to bring a smile to His face
And tell the story of grace with every move that you make
And every little thing that you do

Well maybe you’re sitting in math class
Maybe on a mission in the Congo
Maybe you’re working at the office
Singing along with the radio
Maybe you’re dining at a five star
Or feeding orphans in Myanmar
Anywhere and everywhere you are
Whatever you do it all matters
So do what you do and don’t ever forget
to do

Everything you do to the glory of the One who made you
Cause He made you to do
Every little thing that you do to bring a smile to His face
And tell the story of grace as you do
Everything you do to the glory of the One who made you
Cause He made you to do
Every little thing that you do to bring a smile to His face
And tell the story of grace with every move that you make
And every little thing that you do

Ooh oooooh
Every little thing you do

da' funk

2011-09-13T22:29:00.005-05:00

I think I'm in a funk.

Not a blogging funk - but a life funk. Where I feel let down in so many ways, and where I feel like a let-down in many others.

Stemming from that funk is my desire to give up on a lot of things. Not big important things - like my family and friends or anything like that. But things that aren't really a big deal. Things that maybe have been controlling me when they shouldn't. Or things that have just been consuming me that I need to let go.

And that I have the power to do so.

One way I am giving up on things is to get rid of a bunch of items on my list of 101 things to do in 1001 days. I don't know how often (if ever) any of you click on that link (you can also find it at the top of my blog; just under my Lifesong header), but my goal was to update it once a week. Don't get me wrong - I think the idea of that list is great, but I am getting tired of the items on the list that make me have to keep track of everything so carefully.

Like, did I shave my legs last week? Or was there an item of baked goodies in the freezer on a Sunday night? Or did I read one book in the past three weeks - or two? And did I remember to update it on Sunday evening before going to bed, or is it Thursday and still not updated?

Does it even matter??

Like I said - I think having a list of things to accomplish is a good thing. But I'd rather just have a list of goals that once I've reached them, I've reached them. Did I organize my bathroom cupboards? Or did I crochet my daughters new blankets? Did I get my filing up to date? Did I memorize a Royal Conservatory piano piece? Or did I drive to Grand Forks just to eat supper at Paradiso?

You know, goals that can be measured with a simple yes or no (or at minimum an 'in progress').

But rather, with all of the items on my list that have me keeping track, I am not only constantly having to remember how many times I did such-and-such...but I am also constantly reminded of how I have failed to complete my mission for that particular week (or month). It can get a bit discouraging.

So I have gone over my list and marked all of the ones that require counting and keeping track in red. They are still things I can strive to do - like bring people home-cooked meals, or have family games nights on a somewhat regular basis - but I don't need to feel forced to fit so-and-so many into a certain time span.

And it feels sort of free-ing to be able to let that go.

1000 gifts: #85 - 100

2011-09-12T12:17:00.003-05:00

[85] 10 years of marriage to my wonderful husband

[86] a kid-free weekend away to celebrate that special milestone

[87] napkins that make you smile

[88] finding not one - but TWO - pretty perfect pairs of jeans (for the price of $45 combined!)

[89] a fresh, new fall hair colour

[90] Paradiso...mmmmm....(who knew I could have a meal there for $3.00 and feel stuffed?)

[91] a pretty dress

[92] grandparents who look after the kids for the weekend

[93] a temporary escape from reality

[94] being missed

[95] reuniting with our precious girls

[96] treating the girls to dinner at Olive Garden (perhaps we need to work on some table manners?)

[97] assurance that while this next week might be stressful, I have Someone to walk beside me

[98] spontaneous invites for a visit with a friend

[99] and the inner nudge that prompted me to say 'yes' when my initial response was that I was too busy

[100] surprising comments from an anonymous read on my blog - one that touched my heart when I really needed it (you know who you are...and if you feel so led, you can email me to reveal your identity so I can respond to you!)

"Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel."
~ Author Unknown

tell me...HOW?!

2011-09-11T21:41:00.000-05:00

When you put yourself out there - WAY out there - and feel like you're invisible...how do you get over that?

When you constantly feel like others are better than you and you can not possibly compare...how do you snap out of it?

When you don't get the responses you were expecting and hoping for...how do you stop yourself from feeling hurt and disappointed?

When you feel like some people just don't like you (and you can't figure out the reason)...how do you stop yourself from caring?

When you wake up every morning knowing you have to go through it all yet again...how do you drag yourself out of bed and do more than simply go through the motions?

a decade ago

2011-09-08T21:10:00.002-05:00

Ten years...
Through thick & thin (literally & figuratively!)

We have stood by each other's side
Loving and cherishing each other - even when it wasn't always easy

And we've only become STRONGER together...
And even better looking, I think! ;)

Happy 10th Anniversary to the love of my life.

it's the most wonderful time of the year

2011-09-07T15:11:00.002-05:00

I always l-o-v-e-d school growing up. From the school supply shopping to the labeling, to a new year filled with new friends, teachers and experiences. And we can't forget having a daily routine!

Thankfully my girls - Joelle especially - seem to have taken on my love of school and they've been looking forward to going back for weeks now. New gym shoes were purchased, new school clothes, requests for their first lunch were taken, hair-do's were decided upon...what's not to love about all of that?!

I know there will come a time where the draw-backs will start to seem like they out-weigh the good things - like the daily lunch-making, no more sleeping in, etc - but that's when we look forward to inservice days and holidays! When all is said and done, I love the school year.

And this year I am enjoying it for an additional reason as well - some alone time! Other than my 2 years of maternity leaves, I have been a part-time worker anywhere from 1-3 days a week since having my girls. Different circumstances have affected my schedule - from work flow to child care to financial situations. But I have always worked at least a little bit.

When Malia was in pre-school, I had one short 2.5 hour time-slot a week where I had me-time where both girls were in school and I was not at work (actually, only 3 times a month, as I used one of those mornings a month to volunteer in Joelle's Grade 1 class). Then last year when Malia was in kindergarten full days on Mondays & Wednesdays and some Thursdays - I worked both of her set kindergarten days. The Thursdays that she was also in school (once or twice a month) were days when I wasn't working nor did I have the girls at home. But one Thursday a month I spent volunteering at the school all day - and on the few months where there was a 2nd Thursday a month where Malia was in kindergarten, I had that full day to myself. I think that worked out to about 5 days in the whole school year.

And now? Well, my (current) work schedule is Tuesdays & Thursdays from 9-3, which means that I now have THREE DAYS every single week where I am at home without the kids! It leaves me time to volunteer in their classes, have a bit of free time to do what I want, and get things in this house taken care of that have just fallen by the wayside for far too long. It's a whole new world for me now and I am looking forward to exploring the possibilities!

But enough about me - the first day back at school is really about the kids...right??

Here is my sweet Little Miss Malia all ready for her very first day of Grade 1 !!

And my first-born Joelle getting ready to head off to Grade 3 for the first time!!

My sweet, sweet girls.

I am praying for a great year for both of my daughters as they start this new chapter in their lives. I wonder what the year will bring in the way of friendships, learning and personal growth. And I am curious as to what this upcoming year holds for me as well. Prayers are welcome as we all find our footing in our own new experiences this year.

reaching

2011-09-06T21:43:00.004-05:00

"I am r-e-a-c-h-i-n-g for the highest goal,

that I might receive the prize.

Pressing onward,
pushing every hindrance aside,

Out of my way,
'cause I want to know You more"

~ Chris Tomlin, "In The Secret"

i plead guilty...

2011-09-01T21:58:00.002-05:00

No lawyer would be able to get me off the hook on this one. I definitely killed this plant.

At least I waited until the end of summer...sigh...I wonder when the shipment of green thumbs will be arriving in the mail.

30 31 day photo challenge: day 31

2011-08-31T22:09:00.002-05:00

Day 31 ~ Favorite / Something you like to do

On Day 30 of my photo challenge, I asked for suggestions for a Day 31 picture, since it felt incomplete to do a 30 day challenge during a month with 31 days. I know there wasn't much time to give ideas, but there were a few from two different people so I combined two of them: "Favorite" and "Something you like to do."

Very simply, it's music. Music is truly one of my favorite things in life - and playing and singing music is definitely something I like to do. Thanks for the ideas, Jenn and Amanda! I might do a future challenge going strictly off of ideas given...something to consider anyway.

Okay, well now it feels like this challenge is officially complete.

30 day photo challenge: days 27 - 30

2011-08-31T12:22:00.002-05:00

(Winners to my give-away have been announced here. Go check it out and see if YOU are one of them!!)

Day 27 ~ After Dark

This picture was taken a couple of weeks ago when the moon was full and beautiful!

Day 28 ~ Daily Routine

For the most part, I like my short hair. However, the part I don't like about it is that I can never just quickly put it into a ponytail and go...it's a long ordeal to get it ready for public viewing. First the mousse, then the blow drying, then the putty, then the hair straightener and hairspray. Every. single. day.

Day 29 ~ Purchased

I had a lot I could've chosen to photograph for this day's challenge, as I've been very active on our town's local buy & sell page on Facebook (luckily I've been selling almost as much as buying so it evens out!). But one of my favourite purchases from the site are these like-new black boots! I needed a new pair of boots this fall anyway and it's nice to have a pair without much of a heel so they're comfortable to wear if I'll be doing a lot of walking...like in the mall for example. :)

Day 30 ~ In Motion

Wheeee!!!

And thus concludes my 30 Day Photo Challenge. Although as it's set up for the month of August, it seems unfinished to me that there's no Day 31...so if you want, leave a suggestion in the comments section as to what picture I should take today to officially close it off!

drumroll please...

2011-08-31T09:00:00.001-05:00

Well, my first ever give-away has officially come to a close. After a slow start, I ended up having exactly 20 entries - which was what I was hoping for.

To pick the winners, I used random.org. I was actually nervous for some reason, as I entered in the information and waited to see who the winners were. Well, perhaps nervous isn't the right word - but there were butterflies in my stomach anyway. How exciting! (or pathetic...I'm not really sure which one)

Anyway, without any further ado, the winner of the first pair of earrings (the beautiful leaf earrings) is.....

...Kathy! Congrats to you, my beautiful friend. Now we can be same-ers with our matching earrings!

And the winner of the 2nd just-as-beautiful pair (that I wish was in my own personal earring collection along with the leaf ones I already have) is none other than...

...my lovely sister Michelle! Congrats, big sis!

You two lucky ladies have until 9am Thursday, September 1st (that's tomorrow!) to email me with your correct mailing addresses ( to andi.andi@live.ca ) or else I'll need to pick new recipients. So don't take as long to reply to this as you did to enter the give-away! ;)

As for the rest of you - I seriously am thankful that you all took the time to enter this contest. And that you all take the time to read this blog, even if you don't very often comment (I know how it is).

And all of the questions that were asked of me are great questions! The answers will be coming in future posts...and yes, posts as in plural - some of those questions are doozies that will require long answers! But I'm excited to get the answers to you and hopefully get you all to know even more about me than you already do! So make sure you check back over the course of the next few weeks to find the answers to your questions!

And another HUGE thank-you to my wonderful friend Kristin for agreeing to do this give-away with me - and for generously donating one of the pairs of earrings herself. Did you pop on over to her Facebook or etsy site to check out her stuff? (I just realized in my original post about this contest, I gave the INCORRECT link to her etsy shop, so hopefully this time it'll work for you!). Remember - when her Facebook page hits 100 'likes', she's doing a give-away of her own! So if you didn't win here, you still have a chance over there...and you don't have to even write anything out for her - just click the 'like' button (she's nicer than I am!).

Thanks for celebrating 950 posts with me!!

time is almost up!

2011-08-30T07:23:00.002-05:00

Thanks to everybody who has already made my first ever give-away a success (afterall, without anybody participating, it just wouldn't fly!). This is just your FINAL reminder that today is the deadline to enter to qualify to win one of two fantastic prizes.

As a reminder of what you are entering to win, here are the pictures of the two pairs of lovely earrings made by my friend Kristin.

So don't hesitate to quickly skip down to this post to enter to win one of these lovelies! Entries are accepted up until 10pm today and the winners will be announced tomorrow morning.

Don't forget that in order for your entry to qualify, your comment must be left on the actual give-away post, not this one. Thanks and good luck!

1000 gifts: #65 - 84

2011-08-29T14:25:00.009-05:00

(Tomorrow is your final chance to enter my give-away. Hop on over here and take 5 minutes to post your entry and have a chance at winning one of the two prizes being given away on Wednesday!)

[65] the view out my back door

[66] and my front door

[67] the innocence of my children - some may think I'm over-protective; I just like keeping them from growing up faster than what is necessary

[68] drawing strength from solid relationships when other ones are floundering

[69] the engagement of two of our best friends

[70] healed friendships, that once I thought were irreparable

[71] brunch out with friends

[72] a new (to me) shirt that makes me feel pretty

[73] a new hair cut
[74] successful trip to the dentist - no cavities AND no tears (more on that in a future post)

[75]successful trip to the eye doctor - good eyesight and perfect eye health for both girls

[76] the last days of summer...and the promise of fall

[77] a fresh, empty school calendar just waiting to get filled up

[78] and oodles and oodles of stickers to help me do it

[79] four very attentive grandparents for my girls

[80] encouraging text messages from a friend on a particularly rough day

[81] the solitude my little office at work provides me with

[82] letting go (although I admit I still struggle with this!)

[83] watching my girls play 'library'

[84] family bike rides

He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.
~Epictetus

30 day photo challenge: days 24-26

2011-08-26T09:58:00.004-05:00

(Remember - Tuesday is the final day to enter my giveaway. So don't put it off any longer! Head on over to this post and enter to win! There are 2 prizes to be given away - one winner could be YOU!!)

Day 24 ~ A Smile

It's not very often that I get a shy, timid smile from my Little Miss. Usually the smiles she doles out are wild and crazy ones. I think this one is just oh-so-sweet!

Day 25 ~ Sunflare

Picture taken on this weekend.

Day 26 ~ Something Old

This is a picture of the dresser I had as a child (doctored, of course, to give it more of an aged look). Currently it is in my walk-in closet as extra storage space...I can't imagine ever getting rid of it!

summing it up

2011-08-25T22:16:00.004-05:00

"August is that
crazy in between month that possesses both
the l-i-n-g-e-r-i-n-g charms of summertime
and the enticing pull of autumn."

~ Quote taken from here.

30 day photo challenge: days 20-23

2011-08-24T16:21:00.002-05:00

(Remember to go here to enter my giveaway. I don't know what's stopping y'all - certainly I have more than 9 readers! Go on and enter, it's really easy. And a great prize that you can keep for yourself or give away as a gift. I'd love to reach at least 20 participants - at best. So...what are you waiting for?)

Day 20 ~ What I Read

This summer, I have re-discovered my love for "fluffy" Christian romance novels set in the 'olden days'. These are great books for taking along to the lake when you get interrupted many times with visiting, kids, etc. Rather than getting engrossed in a suspense/drama book and getting annoyed at the interruptions, these kinds of books are easy to read with lots of stopping and starting. This past weekend's book was "Maid to Match" by Deeanne Gist.

Day 21 ~ Pretty Pattern

This is the newest blanket I am crocheting for my nephew that was born last week. Normally I wouldn't publish a picture of the blanket before giving it to the baby - but since I'm pretty sure my brother & sister-in-law don't read this blog, I thought it would be safe.

Day 22 ~ Trees

Since we live in a fairly new development, there aren't a lot of trees to look at in these parts, which is unfortunate - especially in fall-time when the leaves change colour (although it does mean no raking...the silver lining). So I had to go elsewhere to take this picture.

Day 23 ~ Sunset

I actually prefer my sunrise pictures, since those can be taken out my back door with just a field as the background scenery - but every once in awhile I get a beautiful shot of the sunset out my front door. This picture was taken a long time ago though - a year or two ago in springtime. But it's one of my favorites so I figured I'd rather pull out a real looker from the archives rather than take a not-as-pretty one on the actual date of this particular challenge.

See more pictures from this challenge here.

1000 gifts: #54 - 64

2011-08-22T11:12:00.008-05:00

This past weekend was my annual weekend at a cabin with my side of the family. It is the weekend I look forward to the most every summer, and this week's list will be all about this time!

(But before you read any further - first click here to enter my very first giveaway. You don't want to miss out!)

[54] clouds that gave us refreshing rain, but didn't dampen our spirits

[55] clear, beautiful, blue water

[56] watching my girls be so comfortable in water

[57] an almost hole-in-one on the miniature golf course - and the thrill this still brings even as an adult

[58] an evening ice cream run

[59] cousins who at times feel more like siblings

[60] rare hand-holding time with my little miss Malia

[61] seeing some of God's beautiful creatures up close and personal

[62] traditions - that include pushing Grandpa into the pool

[63] warming up under the rays of the bright sun

[64] the anticipation of doing it all over again next year

Families are like fudge - mostly sweet with a few nuts.
~Author Unknown

30 day photo challenge: days 17-19

2011-08-19T09:00:00.000-05:00

(Don't forget to click here to enter my very first - and possibly last?? - give-away as I celebrate 950 posts. Entries will be accepted until 10pm on Tuesday, August 30th.)

Day 17 ~ On The Shelf

Other than dust? BOOKS!! I love books! There are quite a few of these that I haven't even read yet, but I love collecting them!

Day 18 ~ In My Bag

One of the benefits to having so many purses to switch back-and-forth between on a regular basis is that it keeps me from having an excessive amount of stuff in my bag.

I've got all I need right here: hair spray, deoderant (yes, I know it's men's), vaseline for my addictive lips, hand sanitizer, gum (both for me and the girls), prescription sunglasses, wallet, cheque book, coupon book and wet naps. My cell phone is usually in my purse too, but it was charging on the kitchen counter when I took this picture.

Day 19 ~ Where I Slept

On the couch! And no, not because hubby and I had a fight (he wasn't even home). But because when the girls were going to bed, they were freaked out by the big lightning storm that had come upon us. So to make things easier, I set them up for a sleepover in the basement and promised them that I would sleep there too when I went to bed. Of course by the time I was ready for bed, the storm had long passed and I was very tempted to sleep in my own bed. But in case they woke up in the middle of the night and didn't know where I was (which didn't happen, of course!) I figured I should stick to my promise.

See more pictures from this challenge here.